Remember This
by OhThatGirl
Summary: Dog tags," he chuckled darkly, his finger tracing the bright orange band I sported on my wrist. It made me sick to think about it; without that bracelet, I could be lost forever. AH - Summary Inside
1. Awkward Hellos

**Rating: **T

**Pairing:** ExB

**Disclaimer:** I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters.

**Summary: **Bella's a normal twenty year old girl, except for the abuse. When she wanders the streets of a ritzy neighborhood, she is found by Mike Newton, Edward Cullen's personal chauffer. With Alice's meddling, Bella is forced to move in with him. The only problem is that Bella suffers amnesia, and wakes up without memory multiple days a week, not to mention Edward's obvious annoyance with the middle class girl. With Bella's pain, Edward must find a way to accept his own past and find love with the only girl who may never truly remember him.

Big thanks to my beta, **Permanent Rose**. Bold has never looked better (:

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_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason_

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**Chapter One: Awkward Hellos**

_Bella's Point of View_

_Walk faster, _I scolded myself.

I didn't know where I was headed, but I knew I was in the wrong part of town. Not the part where got you attacked late at night – that was exactly what I was running from – but instead, **I **was surrounded by the ritzy homes that towered high over the ground. Elegant rosebushes lined long driveways, high metal fences stretching and twisting well above my head as I stepped onto a perfectly trimmed lawn.

I let out a yelp of pain as I fell onto the ground, my ankle twisting under me. I looked at the gash, praying that nobody was driving around tonight. It would be much too difficult to explain what I, a plain girl, was doing in the middle of the richest neighborhood, broken and bleeding.

I hid to the shadows, knowing fully well that he wouldn't dare step into this part of town. Just the thought of tough lawyers, big businessmen**,** and thousand dollar suits would be enough to keep him at bay.

Besides, he thought I would come back.

I always came back.

I had always turned and ran into his arms, stumbling and spitting apologies that I shouldn't have said. Things would be good for a few weeks; he'd always tell me how sorry he was and that he had made a mistake. He promised things would get better. That he loved me.

But his anger would always win. Intoxicated by alcohol and rage, he would spit words at me that I didn't want to hear, and hurt me in ways that would leave more that just physical scars.

Rosalie, my best friend, always told me he was no good. She was smart and never had so much as an unwelcomed hand set on her beautiful body. My other friend**,** Jasper**,** was a wonderful man who was always charismatic and kind. None of his girlfriends had ever once come home with a bruised eye, fat lip, or swollen ankle.

I didn't know where I was going, but I knew that as soon as I found a hospital, I would get help. I vowed to never go back to him**, **though somewhere in my subconscious, I knew it was futile to run from a situation that had me inevitably trapped. If he wanted me back, I feared he would win. He always did. I was his.

But his arms were far too cold for me. And I had to leave before I forgot about the entire thing. He was manipulative, and he used my weakness for his benefit. The weakness he created with his hard, unforgiving hands.

I didn't remember the day, as funny as that seems now. After the hospital stay, he informed me, with loving, caring eyes that I slipped and fell. Rosalie later told me that she'd walked in on a fight. He'd pushed me down, roughly, my head hitting hard against the sidewalk.

Now I had to live with this _curse._ Waking up some days, not knowing what I'd done the night before. Walking the streets, trying to figure out how I'd managed to end up five miles away from my home. That was before Rosalie thought of the bracelet. It was humiliating at first, but we designed them boldly, even going so far as to have my information engraved in bright colors, so that if I were to get lost, somebody could contact her.

How humiliating.

I felt my stomach lurch, and I leant over the curb just as I threw up my dinner's contents onto the pavement. I didn't know if it was from lack of food, fear, or something else entirely, but I let out a moan as I tucked my hair behind my ears.

I was a normal girl. I was as plain as plain could be, but I was as decent as any other twenty year old. I worked my way through college, spending nights at the local café while I chatted with the kids from my classes.

I didn't know what I'd done to get locked in this trap. Like most girls, I thought he was different. I thought I was different, that I could change him. After a while, I just began to hope that he wouldn't hurt me too badly.

_Too far this time_, I thought, _much too far_.

My ankle gave out again, the flip flops unsupportive as the blood coated the white fabric. I needed to find a hospital**;** I had to. I closed my eyes, trying not to breathe in the scent of bloodas I stumbled across the lawns. I knew a hospital was just down the road, convenient for any of the rich that suffered any late night traumas. I'd even worked there, volunteering for a time before my "situation"had caused me to drop out.

I peeked around the corner, begging that the bright lights of the hospital would be shining. Instead, a different light shone, blinding me with its intensity.

I heard a man swear, a car door slamming shut as he ran over to me. I couldn't see much – my eye was almost swollen. I tried to put on a smile, something I'd mastered so well in my time with the man I'd loved. What a sick love.

"Come on," he said urgently. I looked at him, squinting. I made out blonde hair, and a muscled physique. I couldn't tell much more, other than the fact that he was panicking. "We have to get her to a hospital!"

"No I'm fine," I mumbled weakly. I heard another snort, this one almost outraged. I was lifted into a pair of strong arms, my ankle screaming in protest as I let out a cry of agony.

"There there," the voice said softly. I whimpered.

"_There there__**,**__ baby," he said, his fingers cupping my chin as he lifted my face to his. His lips brushed against mine as I fought to move against his grip. "You're mine, and you can't _ever_ change that."_

I shuddered as I was moved to the inside of a car. I heard a low hiss as I slid inside.

"Who is this?" A voice demanded in outrage as my head fell limply against the seat. "I don't want any low-class white trash sitting in my vehicle. Do you hear me Emmett? Get her out!"

I heard a growl, my face flushing as angry tears spilt down my cheeks. I opened my mouth to attempt to open the door, but the man who had carried me was angry.

"Look,_ bro_," he said, stressing the word, "This girl is going to die. We either get her help, or her death hangs over your head. Not to mention all over the papers."

I heard an angry sigh. I wished my eyes could open, just a little, so that I could see whoever hated me so much.

"Mike, step on the gas or I swear if so much as _one_ _drop_ of her blood lands on this seat-"

A cry escaped my lips, and the man quieted down immediately. I wasn't crying because of his hostility, I was far too used to that, but because I was stuck in a car with three strangers. Two strangers that wanted to help and one angry man who wanted nothing to do with me.

It was far too familiar.

I felt a hand on my wrist, and I flinched away. The man's grip was firm, but somehow delicate as he lifted the wristband to my face. I closed my eyes, my lips trembling as he read off the humiliating tag.

"What is she, a _dog_?" The angry man spat, laughing loudly. I flinched – they had no idea.

"Calm down man," Emmett said, placing my wrist back down in my lap with such care I wanted to cry. He leaned in, his breath quiet in my ear. "We're almost there, Bella Swan. Ignore Edward; he doesn't understand how to be a human. I'll call your friend Rosalie. You're okay."

His kindness touched me. Before I could think any more, or try to say a proper thank you, my mind slipped down in the usual way. I fought against it, trying to push the heavy blanket back from my mind. But before I knew what had happened, I tumbled into unconsciousness.

And for once in my life, I wanted to forget everything.

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_Edward's Point of View_

"How many more?" I asked, leaning one elbow on the armrest as I stared at my notes. Emmett typed away on the laptop, quickly running through the dozens of files.

"About seventeen, but I think that if we can just lock down on the Milton branch**,** then we can snag Owens and Tale. That'll give us fourteen…and then Apprent usually follows whatever that one company does," he rambled off, snapping his fingers as he tried to think of the name. I understood what he was saying, jotting it down on the chart. "So if we can do that, thenthat gives us about twelve."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, letting out an exasperated sigh. I was exhausted with this business. Our father had passed it on to me when he died, leaving me with absolutely hours of planning and business deals to close. I supposed I could be thankful, considering he left me with millions, but as good as a partner Emmett was, he was too kind. He allowed too many people to get away with too many mistakes. Mistakes that I had to correct.

I remembered, vaguely, my teen years. I had always been the studious one. Out of my father's two children, Emmett was the football star, and I was the one that brought home the grades. I'd always been quiet, but I still managed to catch the attention of everygirlin my high school. Before I could get any ideas about returning affections, my father sent me to a private business school.

I spent my years there, from my junior year until college, and he'd prepared me for this, almost knowingly. Emmett had already gone through college, coming out with a 4.0 and a football career in the waiting but dropped everything to be my partner after our dad had died of a heart attack two years ago. He had left us Cullen Incorporated, the top business firm in all of New York. I'd never wanted to live here, let alone set foot into the city.

I sighed again, closing my eyes. We had to secure a deal with twelve companies or we'd lose millions of dollars in backup. Funds that would most likely pay for bonuses and help support the company backbone.

"Edward," Emmett said, putting the laptop on the seat. I rolled my eyes – I knew what he was going to say next. "Bro, you're twenty-four, don't you think it's time you settle down with a woman?"

"Yea, you're twenty-five, where's yours?" I retorted, immediately regretting my words. His eyes hardened as he glared at me.

"I know this is hard for you," he spat back, venom edging his words. I ran a hand through my hair, an apology on my lips. He just shook his head, staring at me with unforgiving eyes. "It's only been five months, Edward. I know this is hard for you too, but at least I'm trying."

"Sorry," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. Suddenly the car lurched to a stop, almost spilling the glass of wine in my hands. I looked up at Mike, our chauffer, and glared. "What's your problem?"

Emmett looked out the window, but I honestly could have cared less about what was getting them so hyped up. He threw open the door, profanities escaping his lips as he stumbled into the street. Annoyance bubbled inside of me – I was going to be late the video conference we had scheduled if we didn't hurry up.

I thought I heard a cry, but I couldn't be sure.

"There there," Mike cooed to her. I scowled – I knew it was a girl. Mike could hardly be considered hospitable to any male.

I couldn't help but to show my irritation as she slid in the car. Her ankle was cut open, a bloody gash dripping from her ankle. Her long, mahogany hair was filled with the same crimson color as the cut; its source was a deep gash just above her eye trickling blood into her hair and down the side of her face.

"Who is this?" I demanded. The girl didn't open her eyes to look at me, her ankle wrapped in Emmett's spare shirt. "I don't want any low-class white trash sitting in my vehicle. Do you hear me Emmett? Get her out!"

The girl flinched, and Emmett let out a long, low growl. He said something to me, but I was barely listening, matching his own glare with an equally steady one of my own.

I couldn't believe this! Emmett was an amiable person, always good with people; that was the reason I kept him with us. But this was simply ridiculous. This girl could easily be a drug addict, hurting herself and running around _my_ neighborhood to try to get into our hospital. Everybody knew that the ritzy neighborhoods had the best care. I couldn't see any way out of it, so I sighed. Carlisle would know what to do with her, and then we could be on our way.

Still, I couldn't control my anger. This girl was causing me so many unnecessary problems.

"Mike, step on the gas or I swear if so much as _one drop_ of her blood lands on this seat-"

The girl let out a shriek, and something sparked in me. Pity? I hadn't felt pity since my father died, and Esme was crying at the funeral. And even then, the pity was more for my father lying in the casket, not the distraught, sobbing woman. I looked at her wrist, Emmett following my gaze. My eyebrows scrunched together, and Emmett reached his hand out to grab her wrist.

She pulled her wrist away, fear evident in her features. I couldn't figure her out. I looked at Emmett, impatient for him to tell me what the bright pink band around her wrist said. It was detailed looking, with scribbles and twists decorating one side. Emmett read it out loud for both of us.

"Bella Swan," Emmett said, looking up at me in confusion. "Twenty. If found, please call Rosalie Hale."

"What is she, a _dog_?" I asked, laughing. She had to be a serious drug addict to not even know where she _lived_. Emmett threw me a glare again. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"Emmett, you're being too kind," I mumbled under my breath. He ignored me, leaning forward to whisper something, about me, no doubt, into her ear.

I saw her kick her foot once, her face contorting in some form of concentration. A sheen of sweat mixed with the blood covered her face, and I fought the urge to touch her, to see if she was cold. She closed her eyes, her entire body shuddering as she slumped onto the seat.

"Oh god, is she…?" I asked as Emmett pressed two fingers to her wrist. He shook his head, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew she was trash, but having the most prestigious businessman and his colleague blamed for attacking a girl would definitely ruin our business.

Emmett slipped his arms around her body, lifting her easily from the car. I looked at the white seat in disgust; I would have to get it cleaned, no doubt, since blood covered every inch of the expensive leather interiorshe had been sitting just moments earlier.

I sneered. They took her to my_ house_?

"We're protecting you, sir," Mike explained, his head bowed as he opened my door. I stepped out, avoiding his gaze as I glared at the girl in Emmett's arms.

"How is bringing a drug addict to my house _protecting_ me?" I said, raising one of my eyebrows, scowling at him. He bowed his head lower, walking behind me towards my house.

"Sir, if you came in to the hospital with a girl bloodied, they would assume that you or Emmett had harmed her. We can't have bad publicity."

"Fine," I snapped, seeing his logic but far too stubborn to admit it. "I'm going up to the office for a meeting. Make sure I have my dinner prepared at nine sharp. This girl is nothing, do you understand? You will act as if she is not here."

When I went in, the girl was out of my view. I let out a sigh of relief, trudging up the stairs to my meeting. I slammed the door shut, hoping never to see her again.

I didn't know how wrong I was.

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**A:N/ **Hey, just a starter chapter. Things will be rolling smoothly from here, but at a decent pace. This will not be the typical story, and Bella will not immediately fall in love with him, going out of her way to flirt and flounce. I'm a dramatic kind of storyteller, so if you're looking for some good old romance/angst/drama, I'm probably the girl of your dreams. Updates are every 3 days, considering I have a sequel I'm writing. Thanks for understanding, and I hope you enjoyed it!

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**Please Review!**

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	2. And That Matters Why?

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**Disclaimer:** I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta, **Permanent Rose**!

**Chapter Dedication:** Allusioned Thoughts. Thanks for the nice feedback (:

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_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason_

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**Chapter Two: And That Matters... Why?**

_Edward's Point of View_

"Lauren," I said slowly, trying to force the incompetent girl to listen. "Emmett and I aren't going to be able to make the conference meeting… Is it your place to ask me questions? You're my secretary; your job isn't to dig into my personal… Tell them our mother's been in an accident… No, Lauren. Think up something, I assure you it isn't that hard. Just tell them. Got it?"

I hung up, pinching the bridge of my nose. This was going to be a huge setback. Was it possible to hate somebody that had done nothing to you? I thought so.

Emmett had called the number on her wristband, desperate to help. Rosalie, the girl, had answered on the first ring, and she was coming as quickly as she could. I heard Carlisle's calm voice upstairs, telling Emmett what to do.

A girl walked in briskly, her gaze not even drifting towards mine as she walked up the white marble steps. The girl was beautiful, with long legs and curled blonde hair. She wore tattered jeans and a strapless yellow shirt, yet she didn't act uncomfortable even though she was standing in a place where people didn't arrive in less than tuxedos.

"I'm Rosalie Hale," she said, turning to me on the third step. "I'm Bella Swan's emergency contact. I need to see her."

I pointed lazily up the steps, and she nodded.

I groaned as Alice walked in, her short black hair fanning around her face. The girl turned to her, a small smile on her face.

"Sorry," Alice apologized, stopping the girl again. "I just got off the phone with Carlisle. They're stitching her up. It'll be a few hours."

The girl, Rosalie, took a shaky step back. Her eyes scanned the empty room before they landed on mine. I waited for her to greet me, complimenting me on my business like so many people did. But she seemed to not know who I was.

"I'm looking for an Emmett Cullen," she said to me slowly, her arms still shaking as she bawled them into fists at her side. "He said he found Bella."

I rolled my eyes, pointing towards the steps again. Alice hit my arm, and Rosalie paused, looking at me for a second time. One hand landed on her hip, and her head tilted to the side. She glanced between the Alice and me, making a connection.

"Brother and sister?"

Not the connection I was waiting for, but I nodded stiffly anyways. Emmett ran down the stairs, and she waved him over with a finger. He sat next to me, looking up at her with an uncomfortable expression on his face.

"You said you wanted something?" she questioned him directly. I knew she was strong. She turned to us, her lips bending into a frown. "Bella gets in situations sometimes."

"Obviously," I muttered, but the girl froze. She leveled with me, her eyes as black as flint.

"You think you have a right to make fun of her," she accused me, her eyes menacingly dark, "but you don't know anything about her."

"If you don't mind our asking," Emmett said, trying to break the tense silence. I could have cared less for the girl, but the blonde's deathly stare was frightening. The girl's brown hair flashed through my mind, and I was surprised when my mind wondered what it would look like if there wasn't blood covering it. "Why does she have the wristband?"

Alice jumped up, pulling me to the side. She straightened her black pencil skirt, staring up at me as she led me away from the girl. I was annoyed – as little as I cared, I was curious about the wristband.

"You may have saved her, but you didn't want to." It wasn't a question. I paused, looking into my sister's eyes in astonishment. She wasn't fazed though.

"And that matters...why?" I asked her, raising my eyebrows. For all she knew, I had saved this girl. I couldn't stay mad at my sister, though. We'd been through so much together. It wasn't that I honestly hated the girl. She hadn't intentionally done anything to ruin my life. But I had reasons for the way I was acting.

"Listen to me," she whispered, "I talked to the girl on the way in. She's rooming with somebody already, and Bella can't go back to her old dorm. She's going to live with you for two months until they can raise enough money to give her a place of her own.

I looked at her, disgust in my voice.

"You expect me to let this vile creature in my house?" I spat. Alice glared at me.

"You're a selfish man, Edward," she informed me. I blinked. I had never heard her this blunt, especially to me. She was a three years younger than I, and although she had her opinions, she was my best friend. "She can help you. And this can be good for your publicity, if that's what you want. I'm asking for two months. Only two, please. She needs it."

"Absolutely not," I hissed, throwing my hands in the air. "She's a…"

"A what?" She spat, rage flashing through her eyes. She poked me in the chest, and I glared down at her. "She's a girl, Edward. She's just a year younger than me, and she needs the help. She served me coffee once, did you know that?"

"What's that prove?" I spluttered, looking down at my sister. She just rolled her eyes at my ignorance.

"It proves that she's not what you fear most."

She knew me too well. Her eyes softened, and she reached up to place a hand on my shoulder. I'd always looked out for her, even when I'd gone to business school. She was the only one that could really ever get through to me.

"Edward, I'm only asking for two months," she begged me. "Rosalie and I have talked about this. Bella will be at college during the day, and she'll keep out of your business at night."

"Fine," I relented, running a hand through my hair. I couldn't deny my sister. "But I swear to you, if she causes any troubles for my business, or even tries to talk to me, you're going to be getting a new roommate."

Her eyes sparkled, and I wasn't sure why she was excited, but I knew better than to ask. She reached up, hugging me around the shoulders.

"There's something you need to know, though," she said, chewing on her bottom lip. "She has this problem..."

"Save it," I said, walking away from her. She yelled for me, but I was too agitated to stay around to listen to her talk about manners. I had planning to do. I had to make calls, and run meetings. In fact, I was making it my personal mission to lock myself in my room for the next few months. I would just have to wait it out in secret. I would not let her in. I would not let her know the agonizing affect her presence was going to have on me. I would close myself up, like I had so many times before, and I would ignore her completely. As hard as this was going to be, I had to face the one simple fact that I simply could not ignore.

I, Edward Cullen, was getting a new roommate.

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**_AN/_** I'm sorry it's so short. The next one's longer, to make up for this! Stick with me, it picks up from here. Edward's got his reasons, you'll just have to review to find out, won't you?

**Review, because my house is fu****ll of smoke, I burnt my dinner, and I need a very hefty pick-me-up!**


	3. If You Can Do That, I’ll Ask For A Raise

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**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication:** Aqua Sirena, for having the longest review. Thanks! (:

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_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason_

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**Chapter Three: If You Can Do That, I'll Ask For A Raise**

_Bella's Point of View_

I looked up at the ceiling, blinking. The white lights were blinding, and I reached out for anything. Rosalie leant over me, her eyes shining with worry.

"Are you okay?" She whispered, brushing a hand through my hair. I looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't I-"

I looked at my hands, cut up and scraped. I finally opened my eyes to my surroundings, seeing the gown I was currently clothed in. In the corner, a short pixie like girl hovered, staring out the window. Tears welled in my eyes as I whipped off the blanket, looking at the stitches on my ankles.

"What happened?"

Rosalie shook her head, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"You forgot baby," she said, running a hand through my hair. "James hit you. Bad. Edward and Emmett Cullen found you on the side of the road. They saved your life. You can't go back there, Bella. I'm not going to let you."

"Fine," I said, looking around the room. I felt hopeless.

The short girl danced over to me, her black hair framing her face. She sat down next to me, her eyes twinkling. I couldn't help but give her a weak smile, which she returned graciously.

"My name's Alice Cullen," she chirped. I looked at her, waiting for her to say more. She smiled, patting my hand. "My brothers found you. You're going to move in with Edward while you work."

"Wait…" I said, remembering flashes of the night before. A bright light; strong arms wrapping around me. But then, nothing but the white lights blinding me.

It didn't mean that I wanted to move in with a _stranger_, though.

"Why can't I move in with you?" I pleaded to Rosalie, my voice rising two octaves in panic. The last thing I wanted to do was move in with another man.

"I want you to, but you know that I live with Trace," she said, giving me an apologetic smile. "Besides, you're closer to the college now."

I rolled my eyes, my ankle throbbing.

"I'm not going to move in with him!" I screeched. When I realized how high my voice was, I tried to put a calming edge on my words. "He's a stranger, Rose."

Alice looked at me, an annoyed expression on her face.

"Sorry, Edward can be a little moody sometimes, but he's my brother. He would _never_ hurt somebody." When I shook my head, she sighed. "Look, you're going to be perfectly fine. It'll only be for a few months, and you're not going to regret it. He works late, so you'll barely ever see him. He'll usually be locked up in his room, writing reports and holding conferences."

I crossed my arms, glaring at the girl. She wasn't fazed, and leant up quickly to peck my cheek.

"You'll be perfectly fine, and I'll come over to make dinner with you," she suggested. This definitely made me feel better; the girl's mood was enough to make me relax instantly. I looked over at Rosalie, and Alice looked at me, already knowing what I was about to ask. "Yes, she can come over too."

"C'mon Rose," Alice said, waving to me from the doorway, "Edward and Bella have to have a proper introduction."

I was quiet as Alice flitted out of the room, Rosalie throwing me a kiss over her shoulder before she walked out after her. It was quiet in the room, the only sound was the television turned down in the corner.

I saw a man walk in, and when I looked up I quickly blished. He was tall, and no doubt handsome with his bronze hair and striking green eyes, but he wore a scowl and a suit fit to an uptight, angry old man. He leaned against the doorframe, his movements so graceful it stunned me that he could be so hateful in appearance.

"Listen," he started, but I cut him off. My voice was raspy, almost embarrassing, but I didn't care. I pushed a strand of hair away from my face, offering him a small smile.

"Edward Cullen, I presume," I said, blushing again as I fiddle with my hands, "You saved me? Thank you, so much. I'm sorry I'm going to be such a problem for you, but I promise I'll stay out of your way."

He raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth. He debated, his mouth opening and closing as he stared at me in confusion.

"You're being nice to me," he said slowly, almost as if he didn't believe the words.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked, trying to think back to the night before, "It was very, very honorable for you to save me like that. I'm… sorry I'm going to be such a hassle."

His jaw fell open, confusion making his eyebrows pull together.

"What are you talking about?" He demanded. I guess he did have a right to know, but I didn't want to tell him any more than I had to.

"I guess I'm not remembering some things," I muttered, mainly to myself. One of his hands went up to pinch the bridge of his nose, the other one running through his hair. When he looked up, his eyes held annoyance.

"Look, let's just keep to ourselves, okay? You stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours. That way, neither of us has to deal with the other."

I shrugged – it would be easy enough to avoid somebody who seemed so annoyed with me.

"Oh, okay," I agreed shakily. He nodded, his lips pressed in a hard line. I wondered what it looked like when he smiled.

"Good," he said briskly, as if he was closing a deal, "I'm going to go get some coffee. Rosalie and Emmett are getting your stuff. It was nice meeting you."

He was rude and pigheaded, but I saw beneath that. I wanted to know what he was like when you broke through the façade, the hard exterior that he was putting up. James' exterior had been warm and loving, and I knew now that his insides were dark and cold. I wasn't sure what it was about this man that had me so annoyed already, so set in my ways to crack him. There had to be something there.

And I was determined to figure it out.

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"I'll call in two hours," Rosalie promised me. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. "If you don't like it, I'll be here in twenty minutes. Understand?"

I nodded as she looked around the house. It had been six days since I was told I was moving in with the mysterious Edward Cullen. I wasn't calling him mysterious for nothing. In my six-day stay, I'd only seen him three times. Once, the day he told me to stay away from him, a second time when he entered the room, glared at me, and laughed, and lastly, yesterday, when he had walked by me, barely casting me a glance as he talked on his phone. And even then, I only saw him momentarily because he rushed to pour himself a glass of wine and disappeared back up the stairs.

Even if I had been able to think of something to say, I doubt I would've been able to form the words. I couldn't even manage to get out a proper "hello" without stumbling over the words. He was simply _that_ intimidating.

Rita said that he thought of me as a maid. She and Mike were training me in the ways of cooking, cleaning, and watering the flowers. Not that I didn't know how to do everything already, but they were having fun.

Rosalie and Emmett had moved every ounce of my furniture into storage. I hadn't seen my room yet. Carlisle was Edward's stepfather, and he had me stitched up in a spare room for my entire stay. I was still weak on my feet, and I had to use a crutch to get around.

Alice found it unreasonably amusing as I hobbled around, but I found it impossible to be mad at her. She was a lively, amiable girl, and though I never requested her to stay around, she somehow knew I needed her. She introduced me to the maid, who was named Rita, and told me that I could ask her for anything. I felt badly about making Rita take care of me, although I couldn't do much about it at the time.

I only had to stay on the crutch for one more week, and I didn't think that would be so hard. Then, I could crawl if I wanted. I was planning on it.

"Twenty minutes and you're here," I recited,pulling my thoughts back to Rosalie and the present time. "Got it."

She looked at the door, wide open and waiting. Along with being the chauffer, Mike was also the butler. I found out that as nice as he was, he was a little too friendly. But I couldn't do anything about it. After all, the man had saved my life.

"Come again soon," Mike gushed as she walked by. She turned around, blowing me a quick kiss. Mike sighed in contentment, catching it in his hand. When he realized it was for me, he made a movement to toss it to me. I couldn't help but nearly fall to the ground laughing. The only thing that kept me standing was the crutch I was leaning against.

"I'm hungry**,** Mike," I told him, brushing off his excuses with a flourish of my hand. "Come and help me cook."

"What do you want to eat?" Mike asked pleasantly, his blush fading from his neck. I stifled a giggle again, opening up the cabinets.

"Am I allowed to go in here?" I questioned. The entire house was so… grand. And I didn't want to annoy the man who was letting me room with him for a few months by roaming through his cupboards.

"Of course you are," Mike assured me. "This is your house now**,** Bella. I – I mean _we_ – want you to feel welcome."

I rolled my eyes as I turned back to the open cupboards. I saw an array of fancy foods. I knew that Edward ate his meals at exactly six-thirty sharp. The meals had never been late, and I'd never been invited to attend. He ate by himself in silence. Later on, after I had finished some of my schoolwork, I would tiptoe down the stairs and grab some leftovers Rita saved. We ate together, all three of us. Mike, Rita and I. We would feast on steak, laughing and making jokes. During those times I could almost forget my unfortunate predicament.

Some days when I awoke, I remembered my evening. Others, I would have to think about it for twenty minutes before it came to me. Rita always informed me of my day, smiling and telling me jokes that we'd shared. Other days, no matter how long we prompted my memories, nothing came.

It was completely frustrating.

I always wondered, in the back of my mind, what he was doing up there while I tried to remember my days. Had we talked? Had I forgotten a moment where our eyes connected. Did I miss a smile or a pleasant glance? I hoped not.

"Let's make macaroni," I said thoughtfully. "I haven't had that since… well, probably a week. It always seems so much longer, though."

Mike raised his eyebrows.

"I think we have some," he said, pushing me aside very carefully. He sifted through the cabinet, pulling out a box and handing it to me. "We haven't made macaroni in a long time, so you might have to check the date."

I looked at the box for half a second before I chucked it across the room. It landed on the ground with a thud and skidded across the linoleum.

"Mike," I sighed**, **"do you have any Kraft Mac 'n Cheese? You know, the stuff that comes in the blue box? I don't want any high and mighty macaroni."

He looked confused.

"We have the best here," he said, his voice reminding me of that of a robot. "We have the top food. Why would you prefer Kraft to the chef's choice?"

"Macaroni is not thick and creamy," I argued. "Mac 'n Cheese is… well, cheesy. It has milk and it's cooked in a pot. You stick with basics, Mike. I want basic Mac 'n Cheese."

"Well… we don't have any here," Mike said after a moment. I smiled at him, looking at the box sitting in the corner. I wanted lunch, and I wanted my Kraft.

"Then let's go get some."

Mike looked around, walking out to the foyer. He glanced up the stairs, where I could distinctly hear classical music drifting down the stairs. The song ended, and another picked up. It didn't surprise me to find that he listened to classical.

"We can't bring the limo, and that's the only thing I have."

"I don't have a car," I said lamely, pointing out the obvious. Then I realized something. "Doesn't Edward have a car?"

"Yea, a little red Porsche," Mike said. His eyes widened, and he shook his head. "Bella, _no_, you can't take his car!"

I rolled my eyes. "Mike, I'm not going to take his car. I'm going to ask if I can borrow it."

Rita came in the room, and both of them froze. Rita raised her eyebrows, and theyboth burst out laughing. Tears rolled down Rita's aging face. She looked up at me, leaning on Mike for support.

"You're kidding!" she panted at the same moment Mike fell to the floor. "Edward Cullen doesn't let anyonedrive his baby. If you can get him to let you borrow his car, I'll ask for a _raise_."

"Fine," I said, sticking my nose up indignantly. "I'm going to ask."

I walked up the steps, their laughter following me for my entire ascent.

* * *

I knocked on the door softly, my heart pounding in my chest. As soon I had knocked, I regretted it. I should've at least planned what I was going to say. I was aware that I wasn't exactly on speaking terms with him, and I knew that I didn't particularly wish to speak to him, either. But I was hungry, and my stomach growling urged me to stay in place.

"What?" an irritated voice asked from the other side of the door a few seconds later. I swallowed heavily.

"Can I come in?" I whispered, pushing the door a little. I heard a sigh, and I waited for what seemed like eternity.

"Fine."

I stepped in the room, looking around. It was black and white, with glass tabletops and expensive leather couches. He sat in the middle of the room at his desk, tapping his hands impatiently. The way he was staring at me made me feel like a patient at the doctor's.

"Hi Edward," I said quickly, closing the door. I took a step inside, looking at the layout. It seemed a bit drab to me, and I felt like something was missing. But I had to be polite. "Nice."

He shrugged. "It works. Do you have something you need to ask me, Isabella?"

"It… It's Bella," I corrected, stumbling over the simple phrase. I took another step in, setting myself down in one of the seats. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I felt the need to explain myself. "I want some macaroni."

"Then eat some," he suggested, an annoyed expression crossing his face. He squeezed the bridge of his nose together, letting out a breath. The violent blush that pulsated through my cheeks was unpreventable.

"Well, I would," I pointed out, crossing my legs together, "but I don't really have a car. And I was wondering if we could…maybeborrowyours." The last words came out in a jumbled rush. It was surprise that he could manage to understand them.

To my surprise, he laughed. But it was not a pleasant laugh; instead, it was bitter and shocked.

"You're going to borrow my _car_?" his eyes were wide, and he looked at me with a bemused expression.

"Not really, I just came to ask if it would be okay," I said quickly**.** "So we could get some Kraft, you know. We got the blues? The good stuff, the blue box. We'd be back in twenty minutes…" I was rambling and I knew it.

"No."

I looked at him, a pleading look in my eyes. It was more than the macaroni I was asking for – it was a chance to be friends. I didn't know what he said to me the first day, but I was willing to forgive it for a chance at friendship. I was tired of relationships with boys that were bitter and hateful – I wanted to at least be able to say 'hello' when I passed down the stairs.

He looked impatient, and he stared down at the files sitting on his glass desk. I glanced out the window – it was a bright day in New York, and the sun shone off the smooth, unbroken surface of the water. "Why not?" I asked, still stunned he'd rejected my question so thoroughly.

"Because nobody drives my baby but me," he stated simply**,** repeating the words Rita had said only moments before. His tone was sharp though, and I shrunk down in my seat. He stared out the window, sighing.

"Well why don't you drive?"

He seemed utterlyshocked by my suggestion.

"I have work, and I only drive the Porsche to business conferences," he said coldly, staring out the window once again.

"You do that a lot," I noted, following his gaze.

"Do what?" he snapped, folding his hands on the table as he looked at me through long lashes.

"Stare out the window," I said, leaning forward. I rested my elbows on the table, folding my hands under my chin. I didn't see why he stressed so much. He had to be in his twenties, but he looked so worn down he could pass for forty. "You're wasting your life away in this room, Edward. Come on, get some macaroni."

"I have work," he repeated in the same dull tone. He sighed again, closing his eyes.

"We'll be twenty minutes," I protested, standing up. I didn't give him time to choose. I paused at the door, leaning against the frame as I smiled at him. "Edward, don't you want to see the sun?"

"Fine. But only this once," he said sternly, storming out of the room ahead of me. I smiled, forcing myself not to skip as we walked down the steps. Not only would it upset him, but I would most likely trip. Rita raised her eyebrows as I followed his descent, all trace of humor gone as Edward whipped the keys out of the cup on the table.

"How?" she mouthed to me as I followed him out of the house. I gave her a thumbs up, sticking my tongue out as Mike stared after us.

When we got in the car, Edward groaned. He looked back towards the second floor, almost as though he were having second thoughts.

"Macaroni," I repeated**.** "Twenty minutes. Yum."

He rolled his eyes, slipping the key into the ignition. I thought a saw a small smile on the edge of his lips, but he quickly covered it with a frown.

"So much work," he muttered, the car purring as he backed out of the driveway.

I smiled triumphantly. But winning wouldn't always be this easy.

**

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**

**Authors Note:** Sorry it took so long, my computer has this huge virus, and I've got the stomach flu, and I have to go to my friend's or the library to update. And I've got three reports all due this week that I haven't started yet. Rotten excuses. Sorry!

**Please don't forget to review though, because a girl needs her support!**

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	4. Science Project

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication:** Awesometastic Twilight Jasper. Thanks! If I actually could write, I would completely consider it! (:

_

* * *

_

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason_

_

* * *

_

**Chapter Four: Science Project**

_Bella's Point Of View_

It was quiet on the way to the store. He pulled to the side of the road for a minute, casting me an awkward glance.

"Where do I go?" he mumbled after a moment, staring at the wheel.

"You're serious." It wasn't a question. He rolled his eyes but nodded stiffly. I tried to hide my amusement as I pointed toward a side street. "Uh, okay, you have to turn right here."

For the next ten minutes, I quietly gave directions. The radio played softly in the background, classical music wafting through the speakers. By the time we pulled up to the small grocery store, Edward was thoroughly annoyed, but I had a feeling that embarrassment was the cause of his cold demeanor. I decided to not push my luck and turned to open my door.

"Do you want to come in with me?"

He looked almost disgusted as he shook his head. He mumbled something unintelligible. I figured it was best to ignore his bitter attitude.

"Are you sure?" I asked again, making my way to his side of the car and opening his door. He crossed his arms over his chest in defiant, childlike manner. I'd never seen him throw a fit before so I jumped back in surprise. In all reality, he terrified me.

"I'm not going in there," he spat. I motioned towards the building, raising an eyebrow.

"What exactly is _there_?" I questioned him.

He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"Dirty, disgusting people," he said after a moment of silence. I crossed my arms, my eyes narrowing. Hurt pulsated quickly through my body, overwhelming me for a moment. It was like he'd slapped me across the face without even trying.

"I see how it is, Edward," I said shakily, shutting the door. It felt like any progress we'd made had been completely diminished. All the fight drained from my body as I shuffled up the steps, hanging my head. A man held the door open for me, and I walked inside in hope of getting away from Edward's glare.

The cheap white lights greeted me as I wandered through the aisles. I grabbed some necessities that I'd need for late night studying – cookies, soda, chips, and chocolate. And of course, I grabbed of few boxes of the instant mac and cheese I had worked so hard to obtain. I felt a wave of relief hit me when I realized I had to work later, which would prevent me from having to see him for very long.

I had thought, momentarily, that I had hit a spot when I told him to stop wasting his life. Something sparked in him, and although he'd protested, he'd led the way to his car. I couldn't believe I'd been so naïve, thinking he'd wanted to bridge the colossal gap, maybe even become friends.

How ridiculous.

How stupid of me to put myself in such a compromising position. If he didn't want to play nice, then the game was on. I held my head high and defiantly as I stomped out of the door.

The humid summer air, such a contrast to the pleasant air-conditioned building, stifled me as I walked out to his car, holding the bag of my hard earned macaroni tightly in my grasp.

"I'll walk home," I told Edward as I passed by his open window. His eyes bolted open, and he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"No," he protested as I shuffled past him. "Isabella, you can't walk home."

"Bella," I corrected him again. He nodded, opening his car door as he walked over to me. His long strides easily kept up with mine, and I groaned internally, willing myself to walk faster.

"Bella, please," he said, his voice smooth and unlabored. I didn't understand how, because I was beginning to pant. "You can't walk home."

He sounded almost…sad, his green eyes pleading with me.

My heart skipped a beat as my gaze caught his, terrified at what I saw, how I felt. An overwhelming wave of emotion coursed through me. Fear, hate, anger…I was reminded of another face that had pleaded with me not so very long ago. I shuddered slightly, wrapping my arms around myself and pushing away the thought. It took me a moment to compose myself, and even when I did, my voice shook with fury as I spoke.

"I wouldn't really want to dirty up your pretty car, Edward," I spat harshly, a part of me glad when he flinched. I was not going to let him push me around. I vowed to show no sign of weakness, but the macaroni shook in my hands, reminding me of my hunger. I couldn't help but want to ride in his car. I was dreaming about the steaming bowl of noodles, and if I walked, I knew I wouldn't have much time before I had to leave for work.

"Please."

It was just a whisper, but it was enough to weaken my resolve. Only this once, I told myself. I was determined to let him know he had no control over me. But I was tired and hungry, so I complied, groaning as I slid into the passenger seat.

The drive home was quieter, but by the time we pulled into the driveway, I wasn't as angry anymore. As I stepped out of the car, Edward's hand landed on my own. I jerked my arm away instinctively, taking a sharp intake of breath. Edward eyed me curiously, surprised by my reaction. I bit my lip nervously, trying to think of a plausible excuse if he decided to question me further. But he only coughed apologetically and dropped the subject.

"I'm sorry," he said instead. "It's not you that I was trying to insult. I wasn't trying to insult anybody intentionally. I don't think that you're dirty."

I laughed bitterly, realizing he wasn't any different than any other man I had met. How stupid of me to think I had seen something in him.

"Yes, Edward, you do. But I don't blame you. You can't help it. It's who you are."

I opened the door and ran up the steps. Behind me, I heard an exhausted sigh. I listened to his footsteps, just loud enough for my sensitive ears and heard the door to his study slip quietly shut. Rita raised her eyebrows at me, but I hurried into my room before she could question me further.

Once in the safety of my room, I collapsed on the massive bed and buried my face in once of the large feather pillows, trying keep my breathing slow and controlled.

I was hurt that he obviously had not interest in me but also scared that I wanted so much for him to like me. My feelings confused me, and I wasn't at all sure where to turn.

I wanted Rosalie. I wanted her to come and scoop me into her arms as if I were a small child and tell me everything would turn out fine in the end. I wanted to cry, but I bit my lip to stop myself. Crying showed weakness, and showing weakness let people know that you could be easily pushed around. And I had had more than enough of that.

I stood up, shaking slightly at first. I took in a deep breath and steadied myself, picking up the box of macaroni I had dropped on the way into my room. I smile tugged at my lips as I stared at the bright blue box. If there were one thing I was certain of, it was this:

Never before in my life had I done more for macaroni.

* * *

_Edward's Point of View_

I shouldn't have called her trash. I didn't intend to, but I should have been more careful with my words.

Still, though. Except for Emmett, nobody had stood up to me for a long time. It was slightly refreshing. I didn't know what to say to her – I certainly couldn't thank her for getting upset and indignant. So for the ride home I was quiet. I was, in reality, thankful that she hadn't walked home. Alice would have no doubt killed me if she found out I was disrespecting a guest, and I was in no mood to face her wrath.

After we pulled up**,** she ran inside. Her attitude confused me. I ate alone at nights, but she didn't seem averse to eating with my employees. Maybe it was because she was at their level, but it surprised me she would rather live her way than mine.

For example, a few days before, when she had come bursting into my room. I was expecting a big thank you, maybe a little flirtation, considering that was how Tanya had always treated me – and she was an employee, living apart from me. But instead, she surprised me by asking for a ride to the store to buy Kraft macaroni. She'd almost even made me smile, something I haven't done in forever.

And I insulted her. Although annoyed and petrified may have been better words to explain how she reacted to my harsh attitude. I hadn't realized how intensely I had reacted. If I weren't mistaken, Bella seemed to be slightly frightened of me, but she desperately tried to cover it with anger and an attitude of her own. I may have intimidated people before, but I couldn't say I'd ever frightened anyone. It made me wonder about Bella's ambiguous past, and how exactly she had come to stumble in front of my car, so hurt and broken. I had my guesses, but I never dared to pry. I wasn't the kind of guy who did well with personal matters. But I found that I was much more curious about Bella than I could remember being about any other person.

For the next three days, she kept out of my sight. I went back to my work, pretending nothing ever happened, and she did the same. I heard her, sometimes in the living roomor in various other rooms of the house. She helped Rita with the cleaning when she wasn't working or at school. And I knew she loved music, though it was always turned down low, so I could never quite make out the songs. But I knew that she was down there, dancing and singing.

I didn't know why I was acting the way I was. Yesterday, I was going to the kitchen for my dinner, and I saw her. She was upside down, lying on the couch, her legs crossed and her head hanging off of the leather sofa**;** her face was flushed with the blood rushing to her face. I thought she was crazy, but then she looked up at me, and something sparked in her eyes. I couldn't place it, and that agitated me.

"Science project," she explained in a rush. Her eyes darted anywhere but to my face, and it upset me to realize she was still afraid.

"Interesting." I had meant for it to sound semi-friendly, but it came out dripping with bitter sarcasm. She flushed, and her eyes stayed trained on the carpet. When she didn't reply, I turned on my heels and left the room.

She left me alone again, and three more days passed. I could hear Mike downstairs, talking and laughing with her, and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed.

Embarrassed! In my own house!

If Emmett found out what I had done, he would probably mock me for life. But now I had a book I was reading. I didn't understand half of it, but I was getting the basics. I looked at the title again, groaning. Nobody had ever made me go to such extreme lengths to befriend them.

But I couldn't help but think about what this situation could be. If I were nicer to her, it would make this whole living experience easier. So I picked it up and scanned the title.

Bookstores had books about nearly every topic a person could wonder about nowadays. I wasn't planning to use it, though. I was just curious. Men were allowed to be curious.

This was the first time I had been curious since…

"Mr. Cullen, sir?" Mike called through the intercom. I pressed the speaker button.

"Yes, Mike?"

He cleared his throat, sounding nervous. I pinched the bridge of my nose impatiently.

"Rita has a question for you, sir."

I heard somebody laugh in the background, loud and musical. I knew Rita's laugh; it was low and scratchy. And Mike certainly didn't laugh like that, so it had to be Bella. What was Bella laughing about? Again, I wondered why I cared so much, why it was so important for me to get to the bottom of things.

_That's why you're a great businessman,_ I told myself. _You're willing to get to the bottom of things, and you're willing to do anything to get what you want. _

I heard a rustling noise, and my impatience grew.

"Go ahead, Rita," I said dully, flipping through a file of documents. It held a bunch of signatures, lots of small writing, and charts. I pulled out two papers, highlighting the line of data I wanted to track, and set it back on the table. "Rita, if you have something to say, I suggest you hurry."

"Edward, she's working up to it," Bella snarled, the harshness in her voice surprising me. I had not expected such a vehement reaction. I found myself wishing I could see her face, curious if the fear she usually masked would be evident in her eyes, the way I had noticed all the other times I had made her angry.

"I don't have all day," I spat, highlighting another chart.

"You're impossible!" Bella exclaimed. I could almost see her throwing her arms up in the air in frustration. I heard her stomp loudly out of the room, and I didn't have the nerve to call her back.

"R-Rita?" I whispered after a moment, clearing my throat, "What was it that you wanted again?"

Rita sounded amused. "Oh never mind, sir, I can always ask later. Bella's going to want to hear me ask anyways. I should go find her. Good day – dinner will be ready at 6:30, as usual. Is steak alright?"

"Sure," I replied. When the line went dead, I dropped my head on the table. How on earth could one girl be so annoying, yet so fascinating? The most agitating part of it all was that I found myself wanting her to talk to me, wanting her to be my friend, but every time I opened my mouth I agitated her.

I heard a doorbell ring downstairs, and the soft padding of feet running across the tile floor.

"Bella! Oh my goodness, you simply_ have_ to tell me how things are going!"

I knew that voice, and I knew what it meant for me.

Alice.

I groaned, burying my head in my hands as I fought the overwhelming urge to bang my head on the desk. I heard Bella's soft voice, edged with fear, drift up the stairs as she spoke. I knew what was coming now, listening as Alice let out a gasp of displeasure.

So it wasn't too shocking when the door to my office flew open. When my eyes finally met hers, I wanted to sink into my chair. Shame swelled inside of me; I never understood how she could be so full of pity.

"Edward, what am I going to do with you, honey?" Alice asked herself quietly, speaking as though I were only a child. The bangles on her wrist rang together, and I focused my full attention to staring at her manicured nails. She lifted my head up with two of her fingers, her eyes shining.

"Edward, we have to talk."

* * *

Hey girls, just wanted to say _HEEEELLLLOOOO_ and thanks for reading. I got 18 reviews last time.. can you say amazing?! Thanks!

**I am willing to write the chapter between Alice and Edward. **Right now I have another chapter I was planning on writing, but the Alice and Edward chapter might hint further at the reason he acts the way he does, and vice versa for Bella. If I get 20 reviews I'll write it for you. But otherwise I'll skip over it and you'll get hints when necessary. (:

**I think I'm going to take a break for a week or two. **I've got to catch up on a week of schoolwork, and I'm really just not liking anything I write. It's all garbage, and I have to read up on this other girl's stories to try to catch the emotions that I can't seem to grasp. It'll only be a week or so, but I just wanted you to know. By the way, another shoutout to Permanent Rose. She's the reason these chapters are good.

**review! **


	5. Under the Circumstances

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication:** Thee Dark Enchantress! That was one of the nicest reviews! Thanks! (:

* * *

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason_

* * *

**Chapter Five: Under the Circumstances **

_Edward's Point of View_

If tension were measured in water, I was fairly certain I would have drowned by now.

I scowled at Alice, whose head was dangling casually off of the side of a black leather chair. She crossed her legs and raised her eyebrows – a motion that my mother had mastered during my younger years and in turn had it passed down to her daughter.

"Well?" Alice inquired casually. "Are you going to say anything?"

I glowered at her and kept my lips pressed firmly in a thin line.

"Alice," I said in mock patience, "in case you've forgotten, you came in here, not the other way around. So if you would like to explain your visit, make it quick. I need to get back to work. I have to set up a finance report, and if I finish it early, I can have my first night off in a year. I would really like that. So hurry up," I urged her.

She seemed unfazed by my sour attitude,which didn't surprise me. Alice had an exceptionally high tolerance for my mood swings, and she'd been known to match them equally with her own spunk when needed. When we were younger, Emmett and I had joked that her quirky behavior was the only reason we hadn't beaten her to a pulp as a baby. But I knew in my heart that it was because I adored her, and she seemed to know it, too. It was how she got away with so much of her probing and meddling.

But now wasn't the time for this. I had more important things to do than deal with my irritating pixie of a sister.

"Edward, I understand why you're upset," Alice sympathized quietly. I let my gaze drift to the window again. I refused to think about how right Bella had been about me. She had no idea how often I longed to go outside and lie under the trees. Alice's voice pulled me back from my thoughts. "But that doesn't give you a right to be rude to your guest."

I tried to reason as patiently as possible, though my tolerance for this conversation was wearing thin. "Alice, you need to stay out of what's not your business."

"This is my business," she argued stubbornly. "Bella hasn't done anything wrong, and yet you continue to criticize her. Why?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "I'll tell you why. It's because she's not well-off in finances and doesn't put on a front like everybody else you know."

"No, it's because you drag her in here and throw her at me like she's some toy!" I seethed. "You bring her in here like it's some big game. You know it's not a game. My life isn't some joke you can mess with, Alice; it's business."

"That's why you need somebody like Bella," she disagreed. "You think of your life as business, Edward. Do you realize how unhealthy that is?"

I pointedly rolled my eyes. "She made me buy macaroni. Macaroni! Do you realize the humiliation of going to the store to buy macaroni?" I knew I was exaggerating, but Alice had driven me to the point of unreasonable rage.

"Yes," she agreed sarcastically. "That must have been so difficult for you. That's what I'm talking about! She's bringing out the normal in you."

"Nobody but Tanya," I muttered under my breath. She took in a deep breath, but I wasn't finished discussing Bella yet. "Anyway, she's very strange."

Alice cocked her head to the side. "Come again?"

I took a deep breath. I was just thankful that we'd avoided Tanya for the time being. I knew she wouldn't agree with what I was thinking, what I was feeling. The strange emotions irritated me more than anything, but they were easy enough to push aside.

"She yells at me, and then she'll be almost cordial." I tried to word it as best as I could, but I couldn't find any terms fitting enough. "Like three nights ago, for example, I was about to go to sleep, and she was sitting at the bottom of the steps. I'd snapped at her earlier, and I apologized. I didn't expect it to go well, seeing asI haven't apologized in a very long time. But she looked up and smiled at me, and we actually had a conversation."

Alice's eyebrows shot up, but I knew why she was surprised. And frankly, I didn't blame her. The last time I'd reached out to a person, excluding herself and Emmett, had been months ago.

"Yes, it was short. It only lasted a few seconds, but I said goodnight. And she was smiling when I left. But the next morning she was angry at me again. She refused to look at me and Rita wouldn't explain anything. I'm at the point where I really just don't want to talk to her."

Now Alice looked upset. She crossed her arms and glared at nothing in particular. I knew she would speak when she was ready, so I didn't push her. This was the thing: I knew I wanted to talk to Bella. At least, I had wanted to. I had been looking forward to having somebody with spunk in the house. And although I would not consciously admit it, having somebody play the radio reminded me of Tanya.

I liked that.

But after that night on the steps**,** I didn't know what to do. She'd gone to bed happy and awakened the next morning angry and bitter. That also reminded me of Tanya, and the memories of Tanya only brought me pain. Bella was a constant reminder as to why I was happier off alone in the first place.

"Edward, have you even asked her about it?" She looked at me curiously. I shook my head slowly, and she sighed.

"She has a past," she explained carefully. I stared at her, uncomprehending. She let out an exasperated sigh. "What I say cannot be repeated. Do you understand?"

I only shrugged.

"I'm not going to tell you her story." Here, she sighed deeply before continuing. "Something happened to Bella…" My eyes shot up, suddenly much more curious than I had been only moments before. "And now, she doesn't have a memory. She remembers what happens during the day, but things get sketchy at night. Some nights she loses her memory, and other times she remembers everything. It's basically a coin toss, but she told me that stress makes her forget easily."

"Why?" It was a simple enough question, but Alice shook her head.

"Sorry, I can't tell you that."

"You don't think I'm trustworthy?" I accused her. She looked down at the floor in silence.

"It's not my place to tell you. It's Bella's story to tell if she chooses to. She's carrying a heavy burden, and it's difficult for her to talk about it and admit the entire truth, especially because she hasn't even come to terms with it herself. In fact, I didn't even hear it from Bella. Rosalie told me the first night, because she wanted a safe place for Bella. You haven't really done much to earn her trust."

I ignored her. It was true, and I knew it. I hadn't tried much in the field of befriending Bella, so it made logical sense that she wouldn't tell me about her loss of memory, let alone her mysteriouspast. Alice, always the good listener, chose this moment to encroach on less friendly subjects.

"I heard you mutter Tanya, though…"

I rolled my eyes and fought back a growl. She seemed as exasperated as I was angry, and we both glared at each other in silence for a few moments before she closed her eyes.

"Edward," she said with a new gentleness to her voice. She reached out to place her handon mine, but I jerked itaway. I'd known that this was the path this talk was bound to take, but I had been hoping to prolong it for as long as possible.

"Don't start," I warned her. I pinched the bridge of my nose with one hand, but Alice seemed determined to connect with me in some way. Her hand covered my free one once more, but this time I didn't pull away.

"I know this has been hard for you, but you and I both know that Bella is definitely not the one to blame for this. For crying out loud, just look at the girl! She's pretty and young and nice. She's only a year younger than I am. Not to mention that she's very intelligent. I know that –"

"I'm not going to fall in love with her, Alice," I snarled. I stood up from my chair and paced the room. Alice didn't protest. I figured she knew I needed to get out all of my frustration. "For crying out loud, she dislikes me as much as I dislike her! With _or_ without your explanation, this is the most ridiculous idea that you've had yet.

"You bring a complete stranger into my house and expect me to like her?" I laughed bitterly as I paced. "A bitingly sarcastic girl, no less, one who spends more time talking about cheap pastas and cleaning than finding a suitable job, and you expect me to like her?"

She nodded innocently. "Yes," she admitted. "A little. At least I was hoping."

I shook my head sadly.

"Yeah, and did you happen to think of Tanya when you were going through all of these plans?"

Alice puckered her lips at me miserably as she stretched her back.

"No, Edward. I did not think of Tanya. But she cheated on you. Edward, I know this is hard for you, but I think you should be a little less attached. I know I still wish she were around, but honestly? This devout faith to her is a little depressing, under the circumstances."

"A little less attached? Under the _circumstances_?" I stared at her in astonishment. "You and I both know that doesn't matter. Damn it, I love her Alice. You don't just forget about somebody. It's not like that for her and me. Nothing's changed since then. You should realize that by now!"

Her gaze fell to the floor and her shoulders sagged. My emotions were taking a new turn, a strange, hopeless direction that I always seemed to come back to no matter how hard I tried to avoid it.

"Alice, you don't just give up on somebody. You don't just walk away and forget. You don't give up. I didn't give up." My desperate tone made her face shoot up. Her eyes burned into mine with compassion, and she opened her arms to me. Suddenly I was being comforted, although I'd just yelled at her moments earlier. Her small arms wrapped around me and suddenly she was crying, too.

"I didn't give up," I whispered into her shoulder. The tears tasted bitter on my lips. "I didn't give up."

"I know," she murmured quietly, her clear blue eyes shining with tears. "I know."

*****

I heard Emmett's booming laughter drift up the stairs, which was quickly accompanied by the light giggles from Bella. I looked at Alice quizzically, who simply shrugged**.**

"Emmett and I got lunch," she explained. "We decided we'd drop by when we were done."

It was very much like Emmett to get lunch with his younger sister. I supposed I couldn't blame him though. He was always the friendlier of the two of us, and he was always the more immature. If given the chance, I supposed that I would take advantage of the free hours as well. But knowing that I was the head of the company gave me a higher sense of responsibility. A larger income was a large benefit of my longer hours as well.

But my mind couldn't help but wonder: Emmett wasn't any worse off than I was. His house was as large and grand as mine, but he didn't overwork himself. He didn't pull late shifts or go in early, and he took off time for lunch with his sister. So why didn't I?

I already knew the answer, though. The bitter, pathetic truth was that I didn't have anything to do _except_ work.

"Are you coming downstairs?" Alice asked me without much hope. I shook my head, and with a broad sweep of my arm, I motioned towards the large stacks of paper sitting on my desk.

"I'm a little busy. Maybe if I get a few of these papers finished…" I trailed off, and she nodded. She swooped down and gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Love you," she mouthed as she closed the door. She knew I wanted to return words, but she understood that I couldn't. I couldn't comprehend how I'd gotten a sister as caring as Alice. I got busy on the reports as I filed through the unnecessary papers.

Two hours later the laughter from downstairs was a pleasant background noise, and I'd just finished my presentation. I stared at it for a moment before closing my laptop and leaning back with a content sigh.

Maybe I would go downstairs. Maybe if I went downstairs I would nod to Bella, play a game with Alice, or even have a conversation with Emmett. Maybe for the first time in months I could let go, forgive myself and have an enjoyable time.

I just couldn't forgive, though. I couldn't forgive myself, Tanya, Emmett, or anybody. Therefore, I couldn't forget. I would never forget though, and deep down I knew that. Life had taught me a serious lesson about myself, and I was still reeling over the aftershock.

Bella's laughter traveled up the staircase. I couldn't understand what could have made her memory so unreliable. I couldn't fathom waking up some days knowing, and waking up on other days completely unaware. It was incomprehensible to me.

I realized something else then, something I'd ignored and shoved away from my mind until now. Bella was strong. She had to be, in order to go about her day when everything was eerily unfamiliar to her.

It was killing me now, more than ever. I had to know her story. I'd seen her trip a few times, so I was beginning to believe that it may have been one fall too many. Mike was constantly making jokes at her expense, and she seemed pretty accepting of them, so it seemed a logical enough idea.

If Alice's talk had opened my eyes to one thing, it was Bella. I saw Bella now, and I saw her for who she was.

She was annoying, she was rude, and she was sarcastic. But more than that, she was smart and kind. I'd seen it the night on the steps. I hadn't told Alice how I'd almost smiled at her simple words. How she had looked at me and flashedme a grin. How I'd stuttered out an apology, along with a discourteous remark about her obnoxious personality. I especially didn't tell Alice how amazed I'd been when she'd laughed instead of yellingback at me, but I had been.

"_That's all you had to say," she said simply. "Sorry generally is an accepted term of apology around here."_

Those words did something to me. They broke me down in a way she couldn't even realize, because they tore at the guilt in my heart.

Maybe I would try to have a longer conversation with Bella. After all, I would be living with her for the foreseeable future**.** I had to find out more about this girl.

I would have to pay a visit to Tanya first, however.

* * *

**Author Note:** Hey girls – just wanted to say hello and happy reading! Thanks for your patience and support. I really owe you all. Next update will not be defined, because I can't make any promises. But I'm sure it won't be more than five or six days. It only takes me a few hours to write them, but I like to make them perfect for you, because you're amazing! Thanks for all of your reviews. We hit 20 that time! You can call me Spoiled (: And Selfish… Think we can hit 21?

**Recommendations**: books – _The Way He Lived_. It was just… wow. Amazing and beautiful and real. I loved every second of it. Warning, you will cry. I was bawling. Google it or PM me for details if you want (:

**More Importantly: **I hope that the conversation didn't disappoint. I spent a few days on it, and my beta did an amazing job on it as well. I honestly don't believe that betas get enough credit, so how about we give her a round of applause? *claps*

**Review!**


	6. I Still Loved Him

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication:** leytonfan30! Thanks for pumping me up! Lol! (:

* * *

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason _

* * *

**Chapter Six: I still loved him **

_Bella's Point of View_

"I'll be back sometime around midnight," I yelled to Mike in a rush as I grabbed my purse. Normally I tended to shy away from men, but Mike didn't intimidate me. The way he followed me around could be unnerving at times, but he was far too innocent to be seen as a threat.

I was heading off to a very busy evening at work. I was lucky enough to know most of the people who worked there, but if I didn't show up or produce enough income, I wouldn't put it past Victoria, my coworker, to get bitter.

"Please tell Rita not to wait up," I informed Mike. I narrowed my eyes in warning to let him know the request went for him as well, but he seemed oblivious.

As I walked down the front steps, I shot a look up at Edward's window. By now, I didn't realize I did it; the subtle action had become as natural as breathing. Sometimes, I caught glances of him pacing his room. It always amazed me how somebody so relatively near my age could be so serious _all _the time. I had been living at his house for nearly a month, but I had yet to see him smile.

Tonight, he was leaning against the large glass window, looking across the street, when my gaze finally landed on him. His eyebrows were pulled together, and he seemed to be deep in thought. His head fell into his hands, his shoulders hunched, and he turned abruptly and walked away. I felt dirty for prying, and I fought the wave of nausea. The moment seemed far too emotional for the person I'd grown accustomed to. It was easy to be angry at him and try to act like I hated him, when in truth I was simply scared of feeling real emotions again.

Hate was an easy thing. I could hate Edward Cullen. I could look at his scowl and match it with one of my own, and I could yell at him with hatred and malice dripping in my words. Yes, I could hate him. It would make for an unpleasant living experience, but it was better than the alternative.

If I didn't hate Edward Cullen, then what was left?

I pushed away the thought as I hopped into the passenger seat of the car. I smiled at Rosalie. She had taken advantage of the stop to apply another layer of lip gloss, and she smacked her lips together as she flashed me a dazzling smile.

Even if I were planning to avoid Edward, I couldn't deny that what I had seen was a side of himself that he was trying to hide. It was a part of him that even he was unwilling to face. That scared me, too. I had been there.

I didn't like relating to a man I wanted to hate.

Not that I had any reason to want to hate him anymore. After Alice had talked to him three days ago, he'd excused himself from the house. He was gone for hours while Alice, Emmett, Mike and I talked and laughed. But Alice seemed uneasy during his entire absence. When he returned, he nodded at me politely, and he'd been cordial to me ever since. It confused me and made me feel as though something had gone on that I was unaware of.

Needless to say, I'd been hiding around the house for the past few days.

Rosalie sensed I was lost in thought, because she was quiet on the way to the restaurant. When she finally pulled into the restaurant, she snapped her fingers to bring me out of my trance.

Above us the word 'Glow' flashed proudly in an assortment of neon colors. We'd been working here for two years, and I'd finally gotten a raise. I secretly thought the real reason was because my boss, Laurent, finally realized that I was working far too hard for only nine dollars an hour.

Rosalie surprised me by jumping out of the car with a strange giddiness. I'd never seen her so excited to get to work before, seeing as she usually complained and stumbled her way in for her eight hour shifts.

"Tables twenty through thirty-three," Victoria barked as soon as I walked inside. I nodded submissively and skittered off to my first table.

A middle aged woman in a soft blue blazer was typing away at her laptop. Her eyes were focused on the screen, and I caught a glimpse of an assortment of numbers. She didn't look up at me as I stopped at her table.

"Diet coke. Cheeseburger without tomato."

If there were one thing that I learned in my two years of working here, it was that no matter how badly they treated you, the rich always left the best tips.

I slid her order in and made my rounds at the bar. I was always more comfortable serving the females. My favorite group was six elderly women that stopped in every Thursday at noon. They always ordered the same thing, and each of them always left me two dollars in tip. I took a sense of comfort in the familiarity.

Nobody, not even the regulars, knew anything about my past or my current condition. They were oblivious, knowing nothing about James and the abuse, although some had grown suspicious of my feeble stories to explain the bruises. The pleasant aspect was that most people shied away from confrontational subjects, so nobody had ever asked me about them. They didn't know that I had sporadic memory loss, and they didn't know that I was living with a man who both scared the living daylights out of me and fascinated me to no end.

These people, who had become as close as family, only knew the spunky and cheerful girl I displayed on the surface. They were oblivious to the real me, the real me that was screaming and burning from the fire that was attacking the very core of my being. Even Rosalie, the person I was closest to, who knew so much of my pain, did not know my biggest secret.

I still loved James.

I loved him, even after all the suffering I had endured. Even after every unwanted kiss and touch, every harsh word he had ever spat at me… I still loved him. It was hard enough for me to believe, but I knew it was true. On the nights when I awoke abruptly, to the stiff sheets and the empty space next to me in the queen size bed, I would miss him.

During these times, I would lie awake and pretend he was lying next to me. My mind would wander back to the first day we moved in together. He was everything I wanted, and I was everything he needed. I would remember when he had held me so gently, rocking me to sleep, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. He promised to always love me, no matter what. He'd sounded so torn, but he refused to tell me what was upsetting him. The way he kissed me and buried his face in my hair made me smile during the lonely nights at the mansion.

So it was these nights, now, when I felt so alone and afraid, that I realized how much I loved James. It was in these distressed moments that I realized how much I wanted him, despite all the terrible things he had done.

I pulled my thoughts back to the present and the anxiously waiting customers.

Unfortunately for me, I had the night shift tonight. Even worse, it was a Saturday night. Rough translation: It wasn't elderly couples I was dealing with this time.

Every time a man would try to touch me, I would nimbly avoid it, trying not to show my obvious discomfort, and then quickly dismiss it with a witty remark. Laurent didn't have much against drinking limits, so I was used to more than one overly intoxicated male. Most men were harmless enough, and many people didn't know I'd been in an abusive relationship because of my spunk and attitude.

And Charlie warned me those acting lessons wouldn't do me any good. I had effectively tricked every person who was remotely close to me for years. That was, until Rosalie.

I hated my job. I wanted out of it, but I was trapped in an endless battle. I needed the money and the experience on my future résumés.

_When you figure out what you want to do for your career you can quit, _I would constantly remind myself.

I knew that was a long shot. I'd been telling myself for months that all I had to do was choose one job that I wanted, and then I would be able to hand in my resignation. I wasn't sure what I wanted though, and because I was only a sophomore, I was simply cruising for the moment. My main goal was getting the credits I needed to graduate, and for the time being, I was doing a pretty good job.

After work Rosalie drove us to the in-and-out down the street. It was a tradition of ours. We got out and went in the store to pick out our icees. I grabbed a cherry one and took a long sip. After we paid for them, we sat in the parking lot and talked for a while.

She asked me how things at the 'Home Front' were doing. I was thankful that Rosalie was my friend. Her sailor's mouth had me laughing until tears fell down my cheeks, and I was quickly forgetting about the confusion at the mansion. We always told each other every secret and every lie, excluding mine about James. I had a feeling that was why we were such close friends.

But when she asked me to spill the details on the angry Cullen boy, I couldn't. I didn't like Edward, but seeing him upset made me realize something. We were both hiding pain. I felt connected to him somehow. It was almost as if we had some common ground. Like enemies united for a common cause.

Enemy or not, however, he annoyed the hell out of me.

"So tell me Bells," she said as she licked her spoon. We were parked in the ice cream store parking lot as we snacked on milkshakes and blizzards. The radio played loudly, and I had to strain to hear her. "How's it going over there?"

"Fine," I mumbled casually. She raised her eyebrows at me, but I shrugged.

"You look better though," she said softly. She reached her hand out to touch the wristband and smiled at me. Her hand lingered over the material before she pulled it down my wrist. I let her stare at the scars there, and she closed her eyes. It was just one of the many cuts he'd given me, and this scar was no different. Before she'd found out, she thought that I'd hurt myself. When she figured out that _he_ had cut me, she took it as her own personal fault. Her guilt-ridden voice pulled me back to the present. "I should have known."

I shook my head and grabbed her hand in mine. She grinned at me, quickly coming back to her own self. She wiggled her eyebrows, and there, in the middle of the Dairy Queen parking lot, began to scream the lyrics to the song on the radio. I smiled and joined in, happy to have my caring friend back.

When we were both so tired that we could barely form coherent words, Rosalie drove me back to my prison.

I heard the soft beep as I opened the door. I groaned internally, wishing I could crawl into my bed. Unfortunately, that was not proving to be the case.

"Welcome home, Bella," Mike greeted me. He held his arms out for my coat, but I gripped it tighter against my chest in response.

"Hi, Mike. I thought I told you not to wait up?" I told him, rubbing my forehead with my free hand. The onslaught of pain from a fresh migraine was starting up, and I knew what was going to happen tonight. I groaned, wishing for once that I didn't have to deal with my curse.

"You told me to tell _Rita_ not to wait up," he pointed out delicately. His quiet footsteps padded behind me as he followed me in to the kitchen. I rummaged through the cupboards, trying to search for a bottle of Motrin or Tylenol. Edward would have medicine, right?

"Oh, yeah," I said. I tried my best to smile, but I was fairly certain it came out looking forced. "Mike, I'm very tired. Do you think that you can get me a glass of water, and then I can go to sleep?"

He nodded. I noticed he was taking an extreme amount of time with finding the cup, and I fought the urge to yank the glass out of his hands and do it myself. My headache was growing and I couldn't find any medicine. All of this was quickly putting me in a very sour mood.

"Rita told me not to wait up for you, but I told her that you'd like it." He grinned at me. I couldn't muster a response, so I settled for a stiff nod. Unfortunately, this only prolonged his unwanted presence as he continued to tell me stories about his day.

"Look," he said after he'd finally handed me my cup, nearly twenty minutes later, "some of my friends and I are going in to town in a few days, and I was wondering if you might want to come."

"Oh," I said as I took a nervous sip from my cup. I blushed and diverted my attention away from his hopeful gaze. "Well, you see… I kind of have this lecture on Monday, and I want to be well rested for it."

This didn't seem to affect him. "It's okay Bella. We'll leave early on Sunday. You can sleep on the way home. I promise you'll love Angela and Jessica. They're really nice."

It made me a little more optimistic knowing that there were a few girls going, and my headache was starting to throb. So I relented.

"Sure, Mike. I'll go with you guys. Can you give me the details tomorrow? I'm pretty tired."

"Of course!" Mike said quickly. A triumphant smile crossed his face. It looked like he wanted to hug me but thought better of it at the last moment. "I'll see you in the morning, Bella."

"Night," I said dully. I turned to the cupboards and rummaged through them in hope of finding the bottle of pills. When I couldn't, I fought back a frustrated sob. I bit my lip and sighed. Figuring I would just have to fight through it, I turned and trudged upstairs.

I must have lain in my bed for an hour, fighting tears and pushing away unwanted thoughts. When sleep wouldn't come, I gave up with a frustrated sigh.

I tried to make my way down the steps as quietly as possible, but as fate would have it I stumbled and fell to the floor. I knocked into an end table and sent the bowl on top shattering against the marble floor. I couldn't do anything but stare and wait for something to happen.

"Bella?" Rita's tired voice called from the top of the steps.

"Sorry," I whispered. "Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, I just tripped and…"

I was panicking. I knew Rita sensed it, because I heard her soft steps coming towards me. A low chuckle escaped her lips as she ran a hand through my hair.

"Bella, it's quite alright," she soothed me as she walked lazily out of the room. She was back in a moment with a dustpan and broom to clean up the mess. She turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "What are you doing down her anyways, darling? Did Mike keep you up with his prying?"

I managed a slight smile and shook my head. "No… I was just looking for some headache medicine."

Rita clucked sympathetically. She was all too familiar with what happened when I complained of headaches.

"Did you find any?" she asked, tilting her head to the side. Her grey eyes were searching mine with tender maternal affection, and I didn't want to embarrass myself yet again.

"Yes," I lied, smiling. She yawned widely and stretched her arms behind her head.

"My bed is going to chill without me," she announced with a smile. "Bella, please try and get some rest."

I nodded, smiling back at her. When she went back upstairs I curled into a ball, placing my head against the deliciously cool floor. My head felt like it was on fire, and all I wanted was for it to stop.

"Stop," I commanded out loud.

But it wouldn't stop. My head continued to pulse as the unwelcome memory infiltrated into my mind. Even my damaged memory could not block what I wanted most to forget.

_Everything had changed so fast. My hand flew to my face, hoping in vain to cover the mark that I knew would be left on my cheek. His face was so close to mine, and I could smell the alcohol. Its warmth was almost pleasant to my aching jaw, but his words obliterated any sense of joy. _

"_James," I pleaded. My jaw seemed to groan against the effort of forming words, and my throat was raspy and faint. "Please. Please stop."_

_He gripped my arm, his sharp nails acting like claws as they broke through my skin. I bit my lip to hold back a scream, and the familiar taste of blood coated my lips. His finger reached up to tenderly brush against my aching jaw, and I thought for a moment that he would apologize. In the old days he used to apologize. Instead, a second hit sent me crashing to the floor._

"_What?" he seethed as he leaned over me. I kept my eyes locked on the floor, for I knew that any second it would stop. It had to. "Am I not good enough for you? I try, Bella. I try every day to do whatever the _hell_ you want me to do, and I'm not good enough. I guess we can't all be the perfect person you are! Do you want me to leave, then?"_

_I kept my eyes glued on the floor. I managed to shake my head, although my jaw throbbed from the gesture. He flipped me over so his face was inches from mine. He had power. He knew it. I knew it, too. _

_No escape. _

"_Bella," he breathed against my skin. A sickening smile lit his face, and he brushed his fingers along my cheekbone again. He slapped me once and gripped my jaw tightly between his fingers. I barely registered the pain anymore. I was numb. I __rose__ to my feet shakily and gripped the counter for support. "I asked you a question, Bella."_

"_N-no, James. Please," I whispered. I felt torn. I wanted him to stop hurting me. Part of me knew that if he walked out that door and didn't come back, if I ran to Rosalie tonight, I would be better off. My heart told me I would die without him. Behind his bloodshot eyes__,__ I knew he truly cared about me. I saw the man I fell in love with. And until I could determine which side was more logical, my heart or my mind, I would stay. _

"_Bitch!" he screamed before I could try to explain. He didn't like when I took too long to answer. He raised his hand back, and I tried my best to brace for impact. Nothing could compare with the sheer agony, however, as I flew backwards. I heard my jaw snap in a sickening pop, and I felt my head make contact with the doorframe. _

_The blood was running down my face now, and I gave up. I let the sobs and moans escape me as the sticky blood coated my hair. James __was__ getting closer again, and I hop__ed__ to myself that this __was__ it. _

Hit me again, _I wanted to tell him. I would have fallen on my knees and pleaded with him if I had the chance. _Kill me now. This pain isn't worth it.

_But he didn't. He brushed past me as thought I was no more than another piece of furniture and slammed the door behind him. I fell to the floor and stared at my bloody hands. I was too badly hurt to say that I fell, so I would have to risk taking a few days off. My brain was running through the normal motions. I knew that not making money would be bad, and I shuddered when I remembered the last time we didn't make rent. _

_But I knew the facts. My bruises would fade, and my head would heal. Only soft pink scars would remain. While we made love, James would brush his fingers tenderly across the marks and apologize. He would kiss them carefully with his soft lips and tell me he wouldn't hurt me again. But unlike my physical wounds, my heart and my soul __were__ gone. Nothing __could__ heal me. No one __could__ save me. I must burn in my fear and pain alone. _

A spasm of pain jarred me back into the present.

_This_ was what my life had become. This is what _he_ had done to me. Because of him, I was crawling around on tile floors in a place I wasn't welcome with my head burning and aching to slip into unconsciousness. I had to go through all of this pain only to forget in the morning. I hated him. I loved him. I wanted him back. I wanted to kill him. The turmoil of emotions made my heart pound in my chest and my blood boil in anger. My head throbbed and pounded, reminding me even more of how conflicted I felt.

"_Stop_," I commanded myself again, my voice wavering with several different emotions. "Stop. Stop it now. _Stop_." My hands began to pound on the counter with each word, frustration swelling as tears fell down my cheeks. "Stop. Stop. Stop. _Stop_."

"God," I moaned. My hands searched frantically for the bottle of Motrin that refused to appear. It was more than the medicine I was searching for though; it was an escape that I needed now. I didn't want to have to deal with the headaches, the pain, and the hurt anymore. I didn't want this life. I blinked as the tears fell in hopelessness.

"What did I do to deserve this?" I moaned before falling to the floor. Then the darkness pressed against me once more like a warm blanket, and I felt myself falling back until every thought, every memory, flashed before me once before disappearing altogether.

* * *

It was turning out to be a fairly good day. The night before was a black hole, and I only had what Rita and Mike told me to go on. I was stunned with myself. I couldn't believe that I'd agreed to go to New York with Mike Newton! Rita made me blush when she informed me I had broken Edward's crystal bowl, and I made a mental note to apologize to him later.

That was, if I had the courage to talk to him. I remembered the day before when I saw him cry. Was it even crying? I wasn't sure. Either way, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to talk to him after seeing that.

I couldn't believe I'd forgotten the night before, but Rita told me that I'd complained of a massive headache.

What a surprise.

Now, Rita and Mike were in a heated debate, arguing back and forth as I tried to block their voices out.

"He's always so cold to us!" Mike hissed at Rita. I groaned; I'd endured enough of their bickering to last me a lifetime.

"Why do you work here, if he's so unbearable?" I asked him. It was a warm day and we were all out on the patio taking advantage of the nice weather. I was perched at the table trying in vain to finish the report. Rita was busy cleaning and Mike… wasn't.

"I don't know sometimes," Mike muttered to himself. A quick glare from Rita quieted him down, and a blush spread through his cheeks as he peeked at me. It was obvious that there was another reason why he stuck around, a reason that was no very hard to guess.

When Rita turned to me her gaze caused me to stop in surprise. She looked so elderly, although she couldn't be more than fifty.

"Edward's been through a lot," she said quietly. I noticed how motherly she acted towards him, almost as if she were protecting him from a big tragedy.

My thoughts came to a crashing halt. A big tragedy.

I realized I knew nothing about him. I had thought I had him pinned as a cutthroat man. As somebody who thought he was better than those around him. It had never crossed my mind that something could have happened to make him that way. It had never occurred to me that, like me, he could be a victim of something just as painful as what had happened to me.

I saw it now, the way that Rita hovered around him, enduring his lashes and temperamental behavior when neither Mike nor I would. The pitying way she looked at him before leaving the room. It had confused me then, but now I was beginning to connect the dots.

Something happened to Edward. Something big. Something to ruin him.

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… ***Cringe* **

I know; I'm horrible for not updating sooner. I made it to my friend's house today, which is why you're getting this update. I made it extra long. The migraine scene is in there because **I think it's important**. You need to know how it works, and that'll about explain it. There were a few extras written in here, because… well… it just got to a lot of writing. Sorry. If anybody asks, I will put the explanation to her memory problem in the next chapter.

I got 13 reviews that time. **If I can get 20 again**, I'll put a surprise scene in the next chapter! (:

The next scene is going to be lighter, especially if the surprise scene makes it in (:

**Review!**


	7. We're going drinking, man

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Recap:

_I saw it now, the way that Rita hovered around him, enduring his lashes and temperamental behavior when neither Mike nor I would. The pitying way she looked at him before leaving the room. It had confused me then, but now I was beginning to connect the dots._

_Something happened to Edward. Something big. Something to ruin him._

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**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication: **SouthernBelle90. If I haven't answered your question already, PM me! (:

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_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason _

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**Chapter Seven: **We're going drinking, man.

_Edward's Point of View_

I ran a hand through my hair one last time. I had attempted to tame the mess for the business meeting, but I finally settled on just allowing it to tangle itself back up into its natural form.

Rita was waiting with my coat at the bottom of the stairs. My gaze drifted through the room, searching, always searching.

_What was I looking for? _

"Have a good day, sir," she interrupted my thoughts politely. I forced myself to nod as I stepped out the door into the brisk morning air. The wind hit me hard, but I welcomed it. It was biting, almost painful, but it felt like a punishment I deserved. I stripped my coat off and let the bitter wind nip through the thin material of the shirt. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts drift to the place I most wanted to be.

"_Relax," she whispered in my ear. Her voice, so soft and enchanting, caused me to smile. I turned around __abruptly__ and wrapped my arms around her waist. Her feet flew off the ground, and her scream bounced off the air and into the night. _

_I __was my intent__, though. I wanted everybody to know just how happy, how lucky, I truly was. _

"_Next time," I growled playfully in her ear, "I won't be this nice."_

_She didn't answer, but her laughter rang into the __darkness, letting__ me know she didn't believe my threat. I sighed __contently__ and allowed her out of my grasp, but she held tightly to my hand and lowered us into the grass. She closed her eyes and folded her hands on her stomach, proudly displaying the ring that I'd given her just weeks before. _

_I couldn't understand it. __I didn't deserve to be so blessed.__ I lifted her hands carefully and slid my head onto her stomach. She ran her fingers softly through my hair__; though I couldn't see her face,__ I knew she was smiling. _

"_You know," I mused as we watched the stars, "someday when we have kids, you're going to be an amazing mother. I can see it… you, smiling, pushing a beautiful __blonde-haired__, green eyed little girl on the swings. Maybe a __bronze-haired__, blue eyed older brother standing protectively next to you to make sure she's not hurt. We'll be the perfect family."_

"_Yes," she agreed. I knew she was going to __add__ a sarcastic remark; she always did. "But what if our child has one eye, a big one, right in the middle of his head? What if he has webbed feet and has to waddle wherever he goes? That will hardly be the perfect family." _

_I turned __to look__ into her eyes. They were __bright__ and elated __at__ the prospect of a little girl, and I couldn't help but nuzzle my nose against hers. _

"_Still the perfect family," I disagreed. "As long as we have the hair and the eyes, I'm content." _

_She mumbled something unintelligible against my lips, but I was too far gone to care._

"_I love you," I managed to say. __I could feel her lips curve into a smile. _

"_I love you, too." _

I had to push the thoughts out of my mind. I stepped into the limousine and grabbed a stack of papers to go through in preparation for my speech.

"Hello sir," Mike greeted me cheerfully from the front seat. I scowled – why should he be happy when I couldn't be?

"Drive," I snarled. He nodded quickly and started the car, and before I knew it, we'd pulled up at the building. I recognized Emmett's red Porsche already parked perfectly in front of the building as I stepped out. I left my coat in the car.

"Have a good day!" Mike called after me. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes; couldn't he see that I wanted to be left alone?

Jessica greeted me as soon as I walked in. She wasn't casual about giving me a once-over, but I didn't care anymore. She kept in pace with my long strides as I stepped into my office.

"Lauren and I came early," she informed me with a proud smile. "We wanted everything to be perfect. This is a big firm, Edward, and the smallest details can really set off the boss. He's known as a hard ass that appreciates a tough businessman, and there's a very fine line between tough and obnoxious. Oh but I'm sure you'll do just wonderfully, you always do! I never quite understood how you're so powerful and strong…"

I blocked her out. I didn't care about her compliments. Five minutes into her speech, Emmett opened the door. He beamed at me, but I didn't want to smile. He and Alice were worried about my smiling deficiencies, but I honestly didn't mind anymore. According to the chart he'd written as a joke, it had been approximately one hundred and thirty days since I cracked a smile.

"Yo, bro!" Emmett boomed as he sat himself on the corner of my desk. I growled, but he wasn't scared of me. It wasn't surprising; he had once dreamed of playing professional football, after all.

"Hi Emmett," I said dully. He informed me cheerfully that he'd sunk the introductory speech and softened up the boss. That did make me happy, but it was all erased with his next words.

"Do you know Bella's friend Rosalie?"

I flinched at the combination. Bella's presence had been frightful during the past few days. It had been one month since she moved in with me, but she was still afraid to be loud if I were around. Not that I minded, but my mind drifted back to a few nights before, when Bella went out for the night with Rosalie.

I'd heard her getting ready all day with her friend. They were loud and giggling, and even Rita had abandoned her chores to help them get ready. Rosalie was going on about how Bella needed a "night on the town", and Bella kept droning on about responsibilities.

I hadn't seen them, but I'd heard her. For the first time in a month, she sounded _happy_. And according to my sensitive ears, I'd acquired that she had remembered the night before. I heard her quietly giving one word answers as Rita's pried. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally told her about a man named Jacob. Rita was ecstatic. I was dumbfounded. Something sparked inside of me, and something hit me right then.

This stranger could make her happy when I couldn't. I was too cold to care enough to try to break the ice that had been steadily forming for the past month. I couldn't deny that that was what we were: strangers. Somehow this Jacob had managed to do, in just one night, what I couldn't in a month.

"Do you?" Emmett asked me again. I looked up at him in confusion.

"Come again?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Edward, dude, I don't know what you're thinking about lately, but you seem to be in another world. At least before when you were depressed and disconnected you were angry – now you're just blank. It's freaky man."

I scowled at him. He grinned and bent down to pinch my cheeks. My hand moved up to swat his arm away, but he had already pulled back.

"Good, Eddie," he cooed. He shook his head again and sighed. I was shocked when Emmett got serious again and looked at me. His voice was soft and mystified as he watched me shuffle some papers. "What's changing in you?"

"What the hell?" I asked him. My plan worked; he laughed.

"I mean, you're not angry anymore. Was it because of Alice and her talks?" He pretended to shudder. "I swear, she is just like Mom. She's like a smaller, more deadly version of Mom…"

I shook my head. I wasn't positive, but I was fairly certain I knew what caused my sudden change. Bella. She rarely said anything to me, but her presence was enough to affect me. By not following me around, she made me anxious. I was used to the attention from females, and I found myself trying to get her to notice me, to pay me a little attention. I wanted to make her smile.

I wanted to make her blush.

Lauren stepped in then and flashed me a brilliant smile. She batted her faux eyelashes at me and waved me forward with a vibrant red fingernail. "Edward, they're ready for you now."

"Brilliant, man!" Emmett said as we walked out of the building. The sun was setting now – it had been a long day at work. The deal had taken more than five hours to discuss, three hours to talk finances, and another four to get the 'okay' with the boss.

In the end, we walked away with a quarter million.

I shrugged, but Emmett was ecstatic.

"This means that we're halfway to buying the Smith firm! This is a cause for a celebration!"

"You celebrate, you oaf," I told him. He was flying high, but then so was I. It had always been my father's dream to buy Smith, and as much as I hated him when he was alive, it felt good to make him proud.

"Edward," Emmett told me seriously. "Alice is out with some friends. I'm meeting up with some friends, too. We're going drinking, man."

I rolled my eyes at his immaturity. "I drink all the time, Emmett."

"No," he disagreed. "You drink at home. This is partying, Edward. I've got some clothes in the backseat you can borrow. Jeans and a t-shirt that are a size too small for me, but you should be able to fit into them easily."

"I've got work to do."

He shook his head. He didn't realize that he wasn't going to win this fight.

I looked at him and glared. He was grinning broadly; I didn't realize that I was walking closer and closer to his car.

"No," I snarled. He grabbed me suddenly and ripped the door open. I yelled and kicked him, but he'd already locked the car door. I seethed as I tried to open it, but the Porsche had special safety features and refused to unlock.

"What the hell, man!" I yelled when he slid into his own seat. He tore out of the parking lot and grinned widely at me. He ruffled my hair and reached into the backseat. A pair of jeans landed on my lap. I hadn't worn jeans in over a year.

"Alice owes me five hundred!" He grinned and stepped on the gas. He pumped a fist in the air and beamed. "She's going to be so excited."

I had no idea how this happened. Alice fluttered around me in the parking lot while I sulked, trying to fix my shirt. Her eyes were shining even as she handed Emmett the wad of hundred dollar bills.

"Edward, you need to relax," she coached me. "You're too stiff. I know this isn't your thing, but you need to accept that you're here now."

"Yeah, right," I muttered. She ignored me, but I knew that she was flying high too. Money was Emmett's form of a drug and partying was Alice's.

What was my drug, then?

"Oh," she said. Her voice took on a new tone, one I was accustomed to hearing from her. She was smiling, and her eyes looked so immeasurably happy I didn't know what to say. "One of my friends is here. Well a few, but he's really special to me Edward. Please, if you could find it in your heart to be nice to him I'd love you for eternity."

"You already love me," I reminded her. Her face fell into a pout, and I relented. Only Alice. "Okay, I'll be nice. Let me see him."

She grabbed my hand quickly and darted into the party. It was loud and smoky, and I felt even more uncomfortable in here than during late nights when Lauren attempted to seduce me. Which was saying a lot. Parties simply weren't my element.

She stopped in front of a large crowd and smiled. She leaned forward and dove into the arms of a tall, blonde haired man. Emmett stepped up beside me to high five the man, and I realized then how out of my sibling's loop I really was.

"Who are you?" I asked over the noise. I wanted to make sure that he was perfect for my sister. I felt that it was my duty to make sure she was happy.

"Jasper Whitlock," he said. He seemed polite and he was fairly handsome. Alice was staring up at him in an awestruck way, as though his name were law. I realized then that I felt happy. The feeling surprised me. Here I was in the middle of a crowded club, watching my sister fall over a man, and I was happy for her.

She got to be happy while I was still suffering. For some reason, this didn't upset me. It only brightened my mood to know that Alice did not need to feel the pain I was bearing.

I shook his hand. Emmett grinned then as a tall figure leaped into his arms. He spun around herquickly and laughed, her own laugh mixing with his. When he set her down and wrapped her arms around him, I stared blankly.

Tall, long-legged Rosalie was standing in his embrace. My gaze flickered to the blonde male again, and whispers of overheard conversations suddenly clicked into place. Jasper and Rosalie, Bella's best friends. Bella was supposed to be out for the night, or so Mike had told me. Alice was in Jasper's embrace, and Rosalie was encircled in Emmett's arms.

I knew two things. First, Bella must be here.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I hissed at Emmett. He seemed lost in his own little world, but I then heard Bella's voice.

"What the hell?" she said loudly. I saw her making her way through the crowd as she grew closer and closer. "Jasper? Rosalie? Alice? Where are you guys?"

I saw somebody else then, a tall figure standing next to her, his hand grasping hers in a protective manner as she meandered her way through the throngs of people. He was tall and tanned, with short cropped black hair and eyes as dark as flint. His gaze met mine, which had been focused on Bella until that point, and he growled.

Before I realized what I was doing, a glare of my own slipped out.

_Stay away from her_, I thought. Then I stopped, blank once more. She was getting closer, and I didn't have much time. I was torn as to what I should do.

So I made a decision.

"You tell her I was here," I threatened Emmett, "and you will be sorry."

I knew deep down what was forcing me to leave. It was irrational and insane, but it was causing me to turn quickly and run. It was the man, the man with his hand wrapped around hers so tightly, pulling her in the other direction, watching me with his fierce expression. I knew that if I stayed, one thing would be inevitable: war.

As I looked at my siblings, the second thought occurred to me. Even after Bella moved out of the mansion, she wasn't going away.

No, as far as I knew, as much as I cared, Bella was here to stay.

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**Question: **Do you think the characters are moving too fast? Do you have any ideas to help my writing?

Geek squad came today! So my updates should be coming more regularly. Just wanted to say I appreciate all of your patience and love for this story. _Thanks!_ (:


	8. You watch Saturday Night Live?

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication: **Nicole Marin, thanks for having the longest, nicest review! Glad I can count on you! (:

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_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason _

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**Chapter Eight: **You watch Saturday Night Live?

_Bella's Point of View_

"Did you have fun tonight?" Jacob asked me with a smile. His hands held onto my hips gently, pushing my back against the wall. Above me, the porch light glowed softly. Rita or Mike must have left in on for me.

Jacob didn't wear any cologne, but I found his musky odor slightly appealing. Even so, I took a step farther into the dim glow of the porch light, searching blindly behind me for the doorknob. Inside my mind, quiet alarms were beginning to sound. They were only soft warnings, but the buzz was enough to make my heart beat steadily against my chest.

"It was a little awkward," I said with a nervous laugh. Halfway through the night, all of my friends started acting very strangely. Jacob had taken me out back to escape, and I'd spent the majority of the night telling myself there was nothing to fear. However being alone with him, with anybody, frightened me, and I begged to go back inside. He didn't push me or ask questions but simply led me back to the safety of the crowd.

During my time spent inside, I dodged disappointed looks from Alice, and stared curiously at the look of triumph on Rosalie's face. I didn't know what was making Alice so upset, but she'd left with Jasper only an hour later.

"Yeah, definitely," he agreed. He leaned closer to me, brushing his lips against my chin. I trembled, but not necessarily from his warm breath. My fingers gripped for the doorknob, ready to turn it and step into the house at a moment's notice. "But at least I got to see you."

He had me pinned against the wall, and I tried to think of a nice way to get out of the position without offending him. I liked him and was sure he meant no harm, yet I couldn't get myself to relax. Fear and adrenaline pumped through my veins, telling me to run, hide. I had no way of politely escaping without telling him about my dark secrets, so I clamped my mouth shut.

He ran a hand softly through my hair. I clenched my hands into fists and bit my lip. Even if I could push away the heart stopping fear that swelled upon me every time I thought of men, I wasn't sure that Jacob was the one that I wanted to open my heart to. He lifted me up and raised my spirits, but spending time with him was more like a drug to me than a want. I needed him to make me feel better, and yet part of me wasn't so sure I wanted him in a real relationship. "Yeah, at least there's that."

Before I knew it, his face was hovering over mine. I pressed myself further against the wall, knowing there was nowhere to run.

_No, no__,__ please__,__ no!_ my mind begged. As his lips pressed against my cheek, his featurs transformed into another less friendly face than that of my Jacob. The lips I remembered suddenly were harsher, angrier and more impatient than that of the tender trail of kisses that Jacob was supplying. I yanked my head back, my heart pounding as I gasped for air.

"I- I'm thirsty," I sputtered right before his lips brushed against mine. He looked dejected, but I didn't have enough time to feel apologetic. I still saw _his_ face, the face that I feared most, when I looked into Jacob's eyes. I opened the door, my heart pounding too hard in my chest to form words.

"We could go in the kitchen and grab a drink," he said. My rejection really seemed to have stung him. He looked up at my face and added hesitantly, "That is, if you want me to."

I nodded. As we walked into the kitchen, he kept a soft hold on my hand. I wondered idly how long I could stress the friendship level without causing serious and irrefutable damage to our relationship. Either way, I was glad to have escaped the situation for now.

He sat at a stool as I poured two cups of coffee for us. When I glanced up at him, I was relieved to see his face had transformed back into that of the calm, relaxed man that I'd spent my last week with, instead of James' angry features. I slid his cup to him, and his arms opened up for me.

He seemed content to have his arms wrapped loosely around me, pulling me against his chest. I felt his heart beating against my ear, and I found that the sound was surprisingly soothing. As I listened to his steady heart and felt his hand rubbing smooth circles on my back, my heart began to beat more rhythmically itself. I knew he would get the wrong meaning from this, but I couldn't help myself.

It had been so long since I had a protector, somebody that would take care of me instead of hurt me. Could I truly be blamed for being greedy?

We talked quietly for a while, each taking steady sips of the cooling coffee. At moments, we were both laughing, at others I felt the need to jump out of his arms and hide, and even more, I was content to sit in silence.

"Bella," he said sorrowfully after another patch of quiet murmuring. "I have to go home now. I have to work tomorrow, and I'll need a few hours of sleep if I'm going to function," he said with a faint smile. The expression didn't reach his eyes; they were still hiding sorrow and embarrassment.

I nodded; I knew my resistance to his physical advances had hurt him. I couldn't deny I liked Jacob, and yet, whenever I thought of Edward, I felt suddenly guilty. It was strange, considering how much he disliked me and the shocking fear that struck me when he glanced my way.

"Goodnight, Bella," Jacob murmured. I made sure to stay still with my arms at my sides as he pressed his lips against my forehead. It was a normal routine, but every time it happened panic began to swell in the pit of my stomach. Although my head began to pound, I stayed in place when his lips lingered for a prolonged second.

"Goodnight**,** Jacob," I said, leaning up on my tiptoes to peck his cheek. I was sure tonight hadn't gone the way he'd expected, but at this point**,** I had different things to worry about.

After he'd gone, and I'd cleaned up the dishes, I turned to walk up the stairs to my room. Before I shut my door, I listened for Edward. I couldn't hear much, and I wasn't expecting anything considering how late it was, but part of me, a secret part, was hoping. I walked past his door, listening for any sounds. What greeted me was silence, but the pale glow illuminating from underneath the closed oak door alerted me that he may still be awake.

I knocked once on the door and whispered his name. My voice sounded rough and dry, and I muffled my cough into my arm. There was no answer, but I figured that the noise from the television might have overrun my voice. I called his name once more, raising my voice just enough to carry over the noise.

The door pulled back, and in front of me stood Edward. For the first time, I noticed him. Really noticed him. And it took my breath away.

His hair was a dark colored bronze, ruffled and messy from the multiple times he ran his hands through it during the day. His eyes were brooding yet soft, a strange liquid green that seemed to both push away and invite simultaneously. His lips were set into an annoyed line, but they were soft and pouty. And pink. They were a soft, delicate pink. His eyebrows arched high and sharp, seeming to ask me his question before his lips could form the words.

His face wasn't what had gotten my attention, however. What finally made me stop to really look at him were his clothes, or choice of clothing. For the first time in my month at the mansion, I saw him without his business attire. He wore diesel jeans, the knees ripped and displaying his kneecap. They were large on him and sat low on his hips, showing off the top of his black boxers. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and the amount of muscles he possessed stunned me. Not even my cousin, who dreamed of being a boxer, had abs like that.

"What is it?"

His question ripped my eyes away from his body, forcing me to look at the floor in embarrassment. He didn't seem to notice my discomfort, though. He seemed puzzled and surprisingly concerned. It was probably the lateness of the hour that made him wonder why I had stopped by his room. I realized then, stupidly, that I didn't have a reason.

I shuffled my feet and blurted out the first thing I could think of.

"How was work?"

He tilted his head to the side. I couldn't help but notice how his lips curved into a pout when he was confused. I'd never noticed that before, but maybe it was because I was always too scared to really look at him. Or perhaps it was the single bottle of beer that I'd had at the club earlier at Alice's persuasion. Maybe the lighting there had messed with my mind. Or maybe it was his pants. "I'm certain that you stopping by at four in the morning couldn't be purely for a social visit, could it?"

I nodded, feeling the hot blush creep to my cheeks, inflaming my entire face. "Yes, sir. It is."

He turned away from me. I heard him cough awkwardly, probably trying not to laugh at my embarrassment. I pushed on, nonetheless. "So how was work?"

He took a step into his room and I followed. I'd never been inside it before. It had always been like Beauty and the Beast; Edward was the powerful, angry beast, and I was simply the damsel without a clue. I glanced around, searching for a hidden red rose with falling petals. I didn't find any, but I did see a picture frame. It was turned away from me, but it was the only photo I'd seen in the entire house so far.

Edward was the beast, and although I was nowhere near the beauty, I fit the part well enough for this strange story.

His bed was rumpled, and pillows were discarded, thrown to the ground without a care. The blue sheets weren't completely ruined, but they were tangled together in a mess in the center of his bed. He didn't sit down – instead, he stared at me with quizzical eyes that made me feel like I needed to explain myself further.

"I honestly just wanted to see if you were awake," I admitted after a moment. He nodded and sat on his bed, patting the space next to him, motioning for me to join him. He looked up then, shocked, and pulled his hand back. I ignored his awkwardness and sat on the other end of the bed, near his pillows.

"Work was fine," he finally answered. He seemed confused as to why we were having the conversation, and his voice was laced with a tired edge. He pinched the bridge of his nose and lay down across the lower half of his king sized mattress. He balanced his weight on one arm and faced me directly. It was the only time I'd ever seen him act so casual, and it came as a shock. Edward was just full of surprises tonight. "We bought part of a law firm."

I tried to control my awe and shrugged casually. "That's fun."

I thought I saw the corner of his lips turn up into a smile, but by the time I blinked they'd returned to their delicate frown. I held one of his pillows across my chest, suddenly aware of the annoyingly low cut top that Alice had forced me into. She usually kept to my rules, but tonight she had been insistent. Rosalie had told me to stop complaining. I wished now more than anything that I could stand up to my friends

"Yes, it is fun," he agreed. Although he looked like a marble god sculpted by Michelangelo himself, his skin was ghostly pale for spring. He rolled over on his stomach and looked up at me. He had long eyelashes, I noticed. His eyes were liquid, and his gaze made my heart beat faster in my chest. I wasn't scared this time. "How is Bella doing?"

"She's… she's good," I managed to stutter. There was an awkward pause where I inwardly smacked myself for knocking on his door. My curiosity was always putting me in the strangest situations. I fished for something to say. "I went to a club tonight with some friends."

He looked at the pillow covering my chest, glancing at the clock as he nodded. "I know. With Alice, right?"

I nodded. He closed his eyes tight, his jaw setting into a firm line. He seemed to be asking me questions now, shutting down. I wondered what he was hiding. "She told me about that. Did anybody else go?"

Again, I nodded. "Yeah, your brother, Emmett, and Rosalie. Jasper, my friend came, and so did another." I purposely left out my "other friend's" name.

He nodded again, but it seemed forced. I wondered what I had said to make him so irritated. He glanced up at me again. "Your friend?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. His eyes were closed, so I would have to speak aloud. I didn't know why I was so against telling him about Jacob.

_Maybe_, my mind screamed to me_, it's because you're not committed to Jacob. Maybe you don't want to tell Edward because you care about what he has to think._

"Yeah, a friend," I said. It grew quiet again. The silence was more awkward this time than it had been before. I glanced at his television.

"You watch Saturday Night Live?" I asked. Interest colored my tone. He opened his eyes and nodded. He crawled to where I was seated, but I realized that he was reaching a hand for the remote. I gave it to him, and he clicked a button. A list of showings popped up on the screen.

"They're recordings, because I'm not usually able to watch them when they're on," he explained. His face was right in front of mine, his lips just inches away. As he spoke, his cool breath washed over my face. It was sweet and enchanting, just as his beautiful green eyes seemed to melt as he stared into my pitifully brown ones.

I was learning new things about him, things that I hadn't even guessed at. I'd never placed him as a comedy person, but the proof was right before my eyes.

And his face was right before my eyes. He glanced at me uncomfortably then, realizing how close we were. He pulled back, his cool breath washing over my face one last time before he handed me the remote.

"You can pick one if you'd like," he said politely. I noticed how he folded his hands in his lap, careful not to look at me. I couldn't blame him; I was doing the same. I held the pillow against my chest, refusing to let it go. I shrugged and clicked the first one I saw.

"I was hoping you'd pick this one," he said. His voice sounded like he was smiling, but his face was smoothed into a serene mask. He stared at the television, his attention pulled toward the laughter ringing through the speakers.

At first, the silence was awkward. I shifted uncomfortably in sync with him, but after a while we finally grew accustomed to the other's company. When the episode ended an hour later, my lids were heavy and my head was sagging against the pillow in my arms. What kept me awake was my amazement at the fact that throughout the entire video, Edward didn't make a sound. While I chuckled and sometimes laughed out loud, his even breathing never wavered. I saw why when I leaned over.

Edward had fallen asleep. His eyes were closed, his breathing even and low. His lips were trembling, parted slightly as the air ran between his light pink, soft, delicate lips. He was lying next to me, his feet curled up slightly and his back facing me. I leaned over him cautiously again, trying to steal a glance at his face.

I didn't know what provoked me to enter his room, watch television next to him in his_ bed_, or even lean over him as I was doing now, but I knew that I wanted to look at him. Seeing him tonight was different, strange, and yet I found him even more interesting because of it.

I, Bella Swan, found Edward Cullen interesting?

Before I knew what I was doing, I brushed my hand through his hair. He mumbled something under his breath, flipping over to face me. I tangled my fingers softly in his bronze locks, wondering what he would think if he woke up now and saw me watching him. My heart was pounding, screaming in protest to my actions. My mind wanted me to stop, but my hand had a mind of its own.

Tentatively, I ran a finger down his cheek.

"Tanya," he sighed. He frowned again, his face a mask of anguish. I ignored the urge to touch him again. "Sorry. Tanya."

I stood up as quietly as I could and made my way to his door. I pulled it open and scooted out into the hallway, my brain humming happily now that I was away from the 'danger'. He lay motionless in his bed, letting me know he'd been undisturbed by my exit.

Who was Tanya? And why had Edward been apologizing to her?

My mind was scrambled as I slipped into my room. This night with Edward had been casual, yet surprising. It felt like maybe the ice had finally broken and we would be able to talk.

I remembered Jacob then, how he'd been when I danced with him. I truly cared for him, a part of me, though it would take a lot for me to openly admit it, wanted to be in a relationship with him. It was a strange feeling for me, especially after James. I wasn't sure why, but thinking about Jacob sent a wave of guilt crashing through me. He would no doubt call me in the morning, and maybe if he were in a humorous mood, he would ask if I thought about him last night.

Up until now, I hadn't.

I shoved the jumbled thoughts out of my head, pulled up my covers and closed my eyes before a restless sleep took over. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, a battle was going on. I wasn't sure who was going to win the fight, my heart or my mind.

My thoughts ran back to the comparison of Beauty and the Beast that I had made earlier.

I guess in the story, the Beast had more problems. He lashed out, but in reality he was just struggling with a problem of his own. Belle had lived in a perfect world, but I did not. And if my problems, as Belle, were so immense, what with all of my indecision and memory loss, then the Beast would have to have a large scale catastrophe on his hands to beat me.

So was Edward Cullen dealing with catastrophe?

I didn't know, but I knew one thing. From now on, I was going to make it my mission to have more nights like this one.

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**Author Note: **I've taken a while on this chapter. My beta did a great job - thank her. I haven't done a lot of dialogue between Edward and Bella thus far, but I think that now I can begin to bring them closer, help them be friends a little. Bella's hurting guys, she's been in a bad relationship and she needs time to heal. Edward's pretty messed up as well.

What's going on with Edward? Any guesses? If you guess, I'll let you know if you're close or not!

_Reviews make me happy [:_

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	9. This doesn't mean love

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication: **MACHOxMAN, your little story had me laughing out loud! (:

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* * *

_

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason _

_

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_

**Chapter Nine:** This doesn't mean love

_Edward's Point of View_

I woke up to the shrill blare of my alarm, and I reached out blindly to turn it off. I rolled out of bed, trying to shake away the dreams that plagued me. They were always the same, and they always left me in a haze of confusion and frustration for the majority of the morning.

As I made my way down the stairs, the darkness of the house almost smothered me, but I welcomed it. The darkness was something that I was forced to face, and no matter how twisted and distorted it had caused my life to become, I had to deal with it.

Rita had my breakfast choices laid out, ranging from cereal to pancake mix. I picked up a bagel and spread some cream cheese on it. It was the breakfast I had every morning, despite the many choices spread before me. Rita only set them up out of habit.

When I had finished my breakfast and showered, I slid into some black slacks. Emmett's jeans were folded neatly and ready to return to him; I wouldn't be wearing them again for a long time. For some reason the jeans reminded me of Bella.

I tried to focus on work as I stepped out of my bedroom. But my mind was immediately distracted as I saw the figure in front of me.

Bella.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at her from the top of the steps. Bella was opening the blinds with one hand, clutching her arm with the other. She wore jean shorts and a light pink top that highlighted her pale, porcelain skin. Her looks didn't catch my attention, however. Her voice did.

As she opened up the blinds, her lips moved softly. I couldn't tell what she was singing; only a soft murmur drifted up to where I was standing. I walked down the stairs quietly, trying not to disturb her as she looked out the window, her eyes portraying a look of longing.

I heard the music then, playing gently against her soft whispers. I didn't recognize the song, but the pain in her voice stunned me momentarily. The pain was so real, so raw, that I felt connected to her in that moment.

"I need someone to believe in," she sang softly. I took another step forward as she traced the bruise on her arm. I didn't miss the tear that rolled down her cheek and slipped onto her arm. "Someone fill this space with grace. To look into my eyes and touch my face. To make me feel alive today."

The events from the night before hit me full force then – running home to pace the kitchen floor, flipping on the porch light to keep an eye on her, questioning her in my room at one in the morning. Jealousy, confusion, awkwardness… all of it was strange and unfamiliar to me, but one feeling was more prominent that the others.

The feeling of seeing her, really seeing her. I'd thought I had seen her last night, sitting with her head against the backboard of my bed, her eyes closed and a soft smile on her face. She hadn't noticed my reaction to her then, the surprise and wonder that her very presence gave me.

And the feeling of inhumane jealously I had gotten when Jacob had taken her in his arms. The way I felt that it should be I that was holding her, not the unfamiliar arms of that stranger.

But she had come to my room last night, and I was still uncertain of her motives. But for that one moment, that short stretch of time, she had been mine. Like a predator captures its prey, I had sucked her in and held her with me for a moment. It was a stolen moment, one I didn't deserve. She was hurting, she was suffering.

But so was I.

I wasn't right for her. She needed somebody strong and full himself, somebody that could be there for her and stand firm when she could not. She needed somebody that could hold her hand and help her deal with the pain. I couldn't be that man, but that didn't mean that I didn't want to be.

The thought stopped me cold. After all of my anger, all of my annoyance and agitation, I couldn't have feelings for her. After everything that I had done wrong in my life, was it fair to have feelings for her? Was it fair to do to her what I did to Tanya?

No, it wasn't. I was a monster, but that hadn't stopped me before. And I knew it wasn't going to stop me now, either.

But now I knew what the stakes were. I knew the pain I was capable of causing; I knew the pain I could receive, the pain I could endure. I knew pain so well it was almost like a second part of me. I knew how to protect myself from pain, but I was not yet sure of my limits. I did not want to push myself over the edge and damage myself or Bella beyond repair. I was intelligent, and I learned from my mistakes. I could not, would not, make the same mistake again.

But I knew I wanted her, nonetheless.

What if she didn't want me, though? I couldn't think of a logical reason she would, considering everything I'd put her through in the past month. I couldn't think of a reason that any sane human would want me. Anybody in the right frame of mind would turn their backs on me and run away.

Despite this, she seemed to want to talk to me though, to reach me.

But what if I weremisreading the signs**,** and she really cared for somebody else? If she turned her back on me and ran, would I be able to handle it again?

I would, I finally decided. If I were going to take a chance, I had to take it fullyand face the risk headlong. But I had to put lines up to protect her from me. I couldn't let her in too deep; I couldn't bring her in so fast. Doing that would only hurt in the end. I was well aware of that now.

She looked up at me then, realizing for the first time that I was really there, and I made a decision.

"Good morning," I said softly. She blushed and averted her eyes to the floor.

"Morning to you too," she mumbled. My eyes couldn't help but linger on the blue mark on her arm, the ugly blemish on her delicate skin.

"What happened?" I asked. I'd almost forgotten how to be cordial until now, and I had to control myself from demanding answers. She shrugged, and my frustration grew. Normally, it was far too simple to tell what people were thinking. I needed to know, but I couldn't push her.

"Will you tell me?" I couldn't help but ask. She looked out the window once more before turning back to me.

"It's nice out today," she commented. I tried to force myself to stay calm. This was a test, a simple test for me to deal with. If I couldn't handle her not telling me something, I would be left with only one option: leaving.

"Yes, it is," I said. I tilted my head to the side and glanced at her. "What do you plan to do with your Saturday?"

She smiled softly, the corners of her lips turning up. "Rosalie and I have to go to work."

"Oh," I said. She nodded and turned to walk to the kitchen; neither of us was sure of what I was trying to do. The night before was new, exciting, a taste of something sweet, and I wanted more. The words slipped out of my mouth before I knew what was happening. "And after?"

She turned to me quizzically and shrugged. "Why?"

The soft flush covered her cheeks once more, and it took a moment for me to gather my words.

"Well," I said slowly. It had been a while since I'd done this. "I was thinking that maybe you would like to go to dinner."

In that moment, I knew I was balancing on a delicate cliff. She did not mask her surprise, and I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

"Oh, uh…" she trailed off. She clutched her arms around her stomach, closing her eyes to take a deep breath.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "Sorry, Bella." I didn't dare to breathe. I was sure I had crossed the line.

Her eyes shot up to look at me. I saw pain and sadness. Regret, anger, frustration. But I also saw a small spark of something else. It shone in the corner of her eyes, but I couldn't place it.

"It's okay," she finally said. She straightened up and looked me in the eyes. A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, but it was tinged with sadness. "I would like to go to dinner with you."

Even though she looked wary, a spark of happiness surged through me.

"Great," I said with a smile. "I have to go to work as well, but I'll be back around seven."

She nodded and looked out the window again. I noticed she looked out that window almost as much as I did. Like the outside was an escape, a way out. I walked toward the door and grabbed my keys, but before I walked out of the room, I looked back at her. I hadn't forgotten the pain in her voice when she sang. Even when she spoke to me, her voice was simply an echo.

There had to be life in that voice. There had to be a place where something existed, a real feeling in her.

I slid into my car, and a wave of guilt washed over me. It took all of my strength not to crumple and sob mercilessly in the backseat. My breathing was ragged and unnatural, and it hurt in the very center of my being, my very core.

I had to see Tanya again. I had to ask her, to talk to her. I missed her, as pathetic and unnatural as that was. I had chased her away, but now I wanted to see her again. I wanted to touch her and feel her and kiss her and cry in her arms.

I reached into my pocket and touched her ring delicately. That night was forced out of my mind, but I couldn't help but remember how it felt to have the ring returned to me. The pain, the shock, the hurt. Looking up into those eyes and asking the simple question: why?

I had known that I was to blame**,** though, even from the very moment I grabbed the ring and slammed the door shut.

I would give anything to take back what I had said. If I hadn't chased her away with my harmful words, then maybe she would be here with me now. Instead, I only had the wedding band that had sealed our promise of forever.

So much for eternity. So much for life and love.

But I had another chance now. I had a second chance, a new chance. Bella wasn't Tanya, but she was something more. Bella was her own person, her own divine self, and she was worth the work. Bella wasn't whole, but maybe, with work, I could mend the pieces together.

I pulled myself up and wiped away the tears.

"Where to, sir?" Mike asked me. He seemed oblivious to the pain that I was dealing with, and his chipper voice drifted to the back where I was sitting.

"Tanya," I choked out. Mike hummed happily as he pulled out of our neighborhood. The radio played loudly, but I didn't have the energy to tell Mike to turn it off.

I had a date with Bella Swan, and that alone made me soar with happiness. But I couldn't be happy yet, not really. Tanya still had a place in my heart, and it was a part that I needed to deal with before I moved on.

I would treat Tanya with the respect she deserved all along. I wouldn't ask for anything; I wouldn't bother her, but I would talk to her. She needed that; she deserved that.

Because before I could truly be happy, I had to heal. The ring in my pocket reminded me of that now, and I knew that nothing good could happen tonight if Tanya was all I could focus on.

I'd spent long enough doing that. But then there was Bella.

For Bella's sake, did I truly believe that doing this would be a wise idea? To catch her like an animal in a trap would be so simple, so easy. I'd done it before, and I could do it again. She would come, and I would listen and smile and nod, but maybe I would really care, really fall for her. That would be the worst of all. Because in that situation, escaping would not be an option. Taking myself out of her life, out of her world, would be far too difficult to do.

No, I would capture her. Bella would not be able to escape, and she would be foolish enough, in time, to think that with me was where she really wanted to stay.

But I, Edward Cullen, was a selfish creature. Born, bred and raised to accept and overcome various hurdles that stood in my way. I was so good at pushing my emotions aside now.

But there had been a time… with Tanya. The time I spent with her had been the greatest moments in my life. I had treasured each second with her, like a man who loves a woman should, and we had been happy.

Doing that now seemed far too difficult.

_It's__ just dinner,_ I reminded myself. _This doesn't mean that she's your life. This doesn't mean she has to be all you think about. Life will continue after this, whether or not the meal goes according to plan, and you will survive. This doesn't mean love, this doesn't mean life, this doesn't mean forever. This is just dinner. _

Even as I spoke to myself, my I was so afraid that I was making a mistake. It wasn't because of Bella; it was because of me.

Regardless, I knew that I would pick her up tonight. The only thing I wasn't sure of was how it would go.

"We're here, sir," Mike said. I sighed and stepped out of the car, directly into the bright light. Making my way through the grass, I stepped up to her grave. Bright flowers lined her grave, too happy for my taste. I set the lilacs down in their usual spot, picking up the ones that were beginning to brown. Lilacs had always been her favorite.

_Tanya Denali _

_1987 – 2008 _

_Loving daughter and friend_

The wind whipped around me then, and I felt her. I heard her, whispering in my ear like she had so many mornings. I closed my eyes and saw her smile, so soft and gentle. I felt her fingers running through my hair, brushing along my chin, stroking the side of my face. I closed my eyes and saw hers, pleading with me for forgiveness, and the hurt shining through as she turned and ran out the door.

"Loving daughter and friend," I whispered. My voice cracked, and I reached out with a shaking hand to touch the stone. It was cool to the touch, but I knew that Tanya wasn't really there anymore. She hadn't been for a long time, even before her death. She'd turned into a ghost of herself, and I was to blame.

"I'm a monster," I choked out. My knees gave, and I sank onto the warm earth. It molded under me, encasing my whole being, myself. I wished the ground would swallow me up for real, take me away. I reached up and traced her name.

"To be with you," I whispered. I bowed my head as the tears came, but I pushed them back. I needed to let her know. I looked at the flowers by her grave, all the people that loved her, still, and remembered her. "Being with you was the most… treasured time in my life." I took a breath, letting it out through trembling lips. "I just didn't know how to treasure you then."

I stood up and brushed my pants. I told her about Bella, and confusion echoed in each sentence.

"I hope you don't hate me for what I've done," I said as I stood to leave. I felt at peace suddenly. The wind eased to a gentle breeze, brushing along my face and drying what remained of my tears. "I do love you, still."

I turned to the car, hoping, praying, that she heard my words.

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**Author Note: **- insert gasp here -For those of you that hadn't guessed it last chapter, here it is. For those of you that did, here, take a cookie. We know now that Tanya's dead, but do we know why? Or how? Any guesses? I'll let you know if you're close! (:

The song Bella was singing was Rain Delays, by Crash Parallel. It's really beautiful [:

**Reviews are appreciated! **


	10. Settle

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication: **Miss Squirrel, for the helpful advice (:

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_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason _

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**Reminder: **_Edward asked Bella out on a date, and then he went to visit Tanya's grave. We don't know how she died, but we know that Edward blames himself and thinks of himself as a monster. At her grave he had a breakdown and told Tanya that this date with Bella doesn't mean life, doesn't mean love. Meanwhile, Bella goes to work. Their date is set at 7 o'clock._

**Chapter Ten: **Settle

B_ella's Point of View_

Work flew by, somehow, ridiculously, even though the fear swelling in the pit of my stomach was growing stronger with each passing minute. Every time a minute passed, my mind grew more aware of the approaching hour. Work was easy – dealing with what came after work was slightly more difficult.

"Hello. My name is Bella and I will be your server for this evening," I said softly as I tucked a stray of hair behind my ear. Ten minutes until my shift ended. Ten minutes until I went home to change and get ready for my date. "What can I get for you this evening?"

_Date. _

Surely that wasn't the term. I was mixing up facts or words. I was over exaggerating as usual, simply letting my mind fill in the blank spaces with ideas that couldn't really exist. Not with Edward. Not with me. Especially not together.

The couple barely acknowledged my presence. They ordered their chicken and fries, and I scampered off to the next table. Seeing them, so obviously in love, amazed and frightened me. They laughed at nothing, brushed their hands together shyly, and smiled constantly. I couldn't help but think of James.

We had been like that once. Before everything went bad. Wrong. Before the innocent love had been to hideously distorted.

After I'd delivered their orders and served my last table, I handed my book to Victoria and let her take over. She hissed at me for sticking her on tables, but other than that she had no argument to avoid her duties as an employee. She sauntered off to the next table, leaving me to find Rosalie and let her know I was leaving.

"What?" she gasped in mock horror. Alice waved to me from her seat in the corner, and Jasper wandered over to me, looking at me with brotherly eyes. Rosalie was still in shock. "No icees tonight? Are you trying to break a _tradition_?"

I shook my head. Warmth pooled into my cheeks, and I knew that Rosalie would notice the pink hue in a moment, as soon as she was finished with her rant.

"'Rosalie, it's our special _tradition_!'" she mocked me, a small smile on her lips. "Bella's breaking something she started? What could be so special that you would –"

She looked up at me then, her eyes curious. Jasper hovered behind her, his gaze matching mine. "Unless…"

"Hey, Bella," Jasper interrupted Rosalie. She shot him a look of annoyance but her irritation was only temporary; they'd always been close friends, even if they were opposites. Rosalie was outgoing and Jasper was shy – it was slightly amusing that Alice ended up with him. Alice waved again, almost as if she'd known that I was thinking of her. I grinned and waved back, motioning for her to join us.

"Date!" Rosalie gasped. She looked at me in shock, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. She shook her head in disbelief. "It's the only answer… the last time you cancelled…"

"I didn't cancel," I laughed nervously. "It's not cancelling because they're not appointments. I'm just freeing you up for other opportunities."

Rosalie wasn't fooled. After five minutes of conversing back and forth, I was getting nowhere. An excited smile tugged at Alice's lips, but Jasper looked slightly uneasy. He and I seemed to form one team, while Rosalie and Alice formed another. I resisted the urge to wave a white flag in surrender.

Rosalie glanced at her watch and shot me a pointed glance. "Well, Miss Secret, I have to get back to work." She bit her lip nervously, letting her maternal side come out. "Just be careful, okay?"

Alice intervened then, placing one hand on my shoulder and the other on Rosalie's. Her eyes sparkled.

"I have a feeling she'll be alright, Rose," Alice said. She was practically bouncing on her toes, and Rosalie backed away before Alice exploded from excitement. Begrudgingly, Rosalie pecked my cheek in pardon and headed off toward her next table.

When she was gone, Alice turned on me. Jasper watched, looking slightly confused as she squealed.

"Is it Jacob?" she asked excitedly. I shook my head quickly. Jacob was making it clear that he understood where I was in our relationship. I knew it didn't mean he wasn't looking for more, but for now he was leaving me be. Alice got along with Jacob, but I didn't understand why she would be so excited. Her standpoint on our relationship was similar to mine: friendship only, with a little extra distance.

I soon realized why. She was practically radiating delight.

"Then it's Edward!"

I took a step back, but she was already looking up at Jasper. "I knew it would be him, Jasper! I told you!"

She turned to me and linked her arms through mine. Before I knew what was happening, she was leading me out of the restaurant, chirping happily and leading me towards their car. Jasper followed, watching her with warm eyes.

Everybody was so in love. I wanted to say it made me sick, but it didn't. I was happy for them.

Maybe, one day…

_Snap out of it, Bella, _I scolded myself. I'd been down that path. It was trampled, worn and tired. My footprints and scars lingered in the dark soil of the steps I'd treaded, but it had all been for nothing. There was no break in the trees like I had suspected before. It was just endless roots, dotting my path, waiting for me to trip over.

I wasn't going to trip anymore, that was for sure.

"Okay, Bella," Alice said as Jasper grasped her hand. It didn't even bother me that I was stuck in the backseat, watching them sitting together. "We're going to take you back and clean you up. You didn't expect to go out wearing that, did you?"

I glanced down. Jeans and a t-shirt. My voice sounded unsure. "No?"

When we pulled up to a stop light, a toddler next to us waved at me. I waved back while Alice rambled. Jasper chuckled in the front seat and shook his head occasionally, but otherwise he didn't say much to either of us.

When we pulled into Edward's driveway, Alice pulled me out eagerly. She leaned over and pecked Jasper on the cheek.

"I'll be back in an hour," he drawled. Alice giggled and nodded, then leaned in for another kiss. I smiled faintly as his car pulled away.

"What time is he picking you up?" she questioned as we walked to the door. Well, I walked. Alice's enthusiasm had her practically flying through the air. I shrugged.

"I think he said seven," I said slowly. She groaned and pulled me inside, shaking her head.

"We only have an hour then!" she cried. Her hand flew to her face as she glanced around, eyes wide. She looked as if somebody had told her something tragic. I groaned internally, but she seemed to read it on my face; her tone of voice was uncannily like my mother's. "Bella, it's important that you look your best."

I knew this of course. I wasn't raised by wild animals, but I knew that she was right. Edward would no doubt look his best, so it was only fitting that I did too.

She danced through my room and sat me in the makeup chair I hated so much. I couldn't tell her that though, so I just closed my eyes and prayed that she would be done with me soon.

Something in my stomach tickled. I squirmed in my chair as Alice searched through my closet. When she was satisfied she skipped over to me and got to work on my hair. Her face was bright while she worked and chirped happily about Jasper.

"How long have you been friends with Jasper?" Alice said as she curled a strand of my hair. I shrugged and picked at my nails.

"Ever since we were little kids. Our moms used to be friends in college, and I guess the friendship stuck. At least for a while."

She nodded in understanding and thoughtfully tapped her chin. Her voice was quiet, as if Jasper were standing in the corner instead of at his house. "Yeah, he told me she died."

I nodded. "His mother was beautiful, really. But it was always funny. They never looked anything alike."

Alice tilted her head curiously and grabbed another strand of hair. She wrapped it around the curler gently before spraying it with hairspray. I waited until the warmth brushed against my neck to speak again. It was hard for me to talk about her, considering she'd been almost as much of a mother to me as my own had been.

"She was so _short_," I said, smiling, "but she didn't mind. She was always complaining about not being able to reach any of the shelves in her house though. She always had Jasper get everything. She and my mom always thought that Jasper and I would end up married one day, but we were too comfortable as friends. She had this hair… it was so beautiful, but it was _wild_. It reached down to her back and was almost always twisted into a bun, but when she let it down it was the most beautiful sight you'd ever seen."

Alice looked uncomfortable suddenly and shifted her weight from foot to foot. I tried to look up at her, but she had a fetish with my curls and pushed my head back into place.

"What is it?" I asked. She looked around the room again and sighed.

"What about his dad?"

I shrugged lightly. The day that Jasper's dad had disappeared had been a blow to us all. He had always been so loving to each of us, even if we messed up or yelled or fought. Jasper had worshipped his father. His father had worshipped Jasper. They were a team, inseparable.

I told her this. "Somewhere, the love for his mom just… disappeared. And the next year, the day after Jasper's fifteen birthday, he was just… gone. We never heard from him again."

She sighed and shook her head, but a moment later she was back to her normal self. She smiled and spun me around, looking over my hair. A smile broke out over her face and she clapped her hands before spinning the chair around.

"_Rita_!" Alice called excitedly. Rita came in a moment later and smiled at Alice. She had grown accustomed to Alice's enthusiastic personality.

"What have we here?" she asked me. Alice clapped her hands again and spun around; she was nearly exploding with giddiness.

"Isn't she beautiful?" she asked her. Rita nodded her head in agreement and touched her own hair.

"If only my locks could be like that," she said dryly. We all laughed as Alice handed me a small dress. I looked up at her warily.

"Alice, seriously?" I questioned her. I looked at the short red dress. It was a straight cut across, with the bottom flowing out. It looked innocent enough, but it wasn't mine. And if it belonged to Alice, it was definitely too crazy for my taste. "This isn't mine."

She shook her head though. "It is, Bella. I bought it for you."

I looked up at her, clueless. "How did you know I was going on a date?"

But Alice just smiled cryptically.

"I know things these things." Her eyes danced as she said the words. "I know." Her eyes narrowed at me. "And you _are_ going to wear the dress, Bella."

I sighed and grabbed the dress. There was no arguing with Alice, after all.

"Time check?" she barked at Rita. Rita shot her a worrying glance before answering. Alice shrieked and shoved me into the bathroom when she realized she only had twenty minutes.

What can I say? A dress is a dress. As soon as I'd gotten myself into it, Alice was barreling through the door, squealing and giggling as she slipped a bow into my hair. I glanced in the mirror and flinched.

"At least I can take out the bow," I muttered to myself. Alice pretended to ignore me as both she and Rita admired me. I couldn't lie though; all I all, I was impressed with how she'd managed to make me look.

"Almost innocent, but not quite," Alice spoke my thoughts aloud. Rita nodded in agreement. It was silent for half a minute before a car honked from outside. Alice ran to the balcony, and my heart squeezed.

"Be down in a minute!" she yelled. My heart unclenched with relief; it wasn't Edward. Part of me didn't want Alice to be here when he arrived, as much as I loved her. This night would be hard enough with her dancing around us.

Alice ran over to me and high fived me. "To protect your hair," she explained. I nodded as if it made sense before she took my hand and led me down the steps, coaching me.

"Okay, so Edward's funny sometimes, but most of the time he's just serious. Oh,but I'm sure you know that, just don't… if he takes you somewhere nice don't make a lot of jokes. But be nice! Edward likes people that are nice. I like people that are nice… oh**,** but I didn't mean that I'll like you. Okay**,** I'm getting nervous." We were almost at the door, but Alice was still in panic mode.

"Oh, uh, compliment him. Wait, no! He's supposed to compliment you. Okay compromise: if he compliments you, compliment him. Yeah do that. But of course he'll compliment you – this is Edward. Edward's my brother, so I know him well. Okay you know that, too. If you need out of anything, just call and I'll come, but like I said I think it'll go really well. Never kiss on a first date, and don't let him sleep with you. Oh, but I mean if you want to I can't really stop you but always remember to be safe –"

I was blushing furiously as I slammed the door on her. She knocked in an attempt to get back in for a second, thought better of it, and ran back down the steps into Jasper's truck. She was surprisingly fast in heels.

Rita had disappeared, probably trying to blend in to give us our space. I sat on the couch and waited. According to the clock I had about five minutes.

7:05

Not that it was surprising to be five minutes late, though. I touched the material on my dress and closed my eyes. The house seemed dead, the silence almost smothering.

7:20

Twenty minutes late might be pushing it, though.

I tried to convince myself he was coming, but somehow, I knew he wasn't.

7:40

Forty minutes.

Should I be changing my clothes? I looked down at the dress, touched the bow in my hair, and tried not to let the tears fall. I blinked and closed my eyes again.

8:00

Eight o'clock.

Edward Cullen stood me up.

It was different with James. With James, I'd crawled back to him over and over. He was mean and insensitive and cruel, but I deserved every lash of his hand, every hurtful word, because I went back. I returned to him, and I let him do it again and again until I was just a shell of myself. I may not have deserved the first hit, but I'd known all along what type of man he was.

With Edward though, I had done nothing. He was cruel, and again, I should have seen it, but I didn't. I dangled my feelings in front of him and allowed him to take them half-heartedly and run away with them. He was supposed to be different, be a real man, but deep down they were all the same. Every man stole my heart, my feelings and my affections. They didn't deserve them.

And now I was taking them back.

He wasn't here. I'd waited an hour, and I was done. I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew that I was too revved up with anger to just sit around the house all night. I felt powerful, suddenly. Crazy.

I hadn't been crazy in a long time.

I loved it.

Suddenly I knew what I was going to do. I stood up and walked up the steps quickly, my heels clicking loudly each time my shoes made contact with the marble. My heart was pounding with fear from what I was going to do, adrenaline, and hurt from Edward. But I refused to cry. Instead, my mind disconnected. I wasn't Bella anymore; I was just a girl who had been stood up.

What does one do after they've been ditched?

I knocked on the door loudly. The door opened, and Mike's eyes met mine.

"Bella?"

I smiled at him gleefully and held out my hand.

"Hello, Mike. What are you doing tonight?"

He stuttered out his reply. "N-nothing."

I flashed him another smile. "Wrong. You're going to a club. With me."

I'd been stood up by Edward Cullen, but I could settle for Mike.

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**Author Note: **God I am SO completely sorry for not updating. My beta pestered me [politely, by messaging me asking, in a sense, 'where the hell are you'. lmao, go rose! xD] to get back to writing, but I was really busy. I have weight training 4 days a week and I had finals to study for, not to mention I'm having some personal problems that I've been trying to get fixed for myself, and all in all, i've just been really stressed. top it off with bouts of insomnia, and, well... yeah. they're not that great of excuses, but they're all i have.

_Does this chapter make up for my lack of updating? Lemme know loves (:_

Review!


	11. Wohoo?

I'm back! *pops balloon lamely*

For those of you that haven't heard of me in say.. a year.. I'm back ;) and i'm better than ever, actually. Kudos to me?

If you're still interested in my story, I will love you forever. If not, I do not blame you in the slightest.

Exams this week; Update tomorrow afternoon, I would guess. Thanks kiddos!


	12. Morgan, I miss you

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I do not own any Twilight characters. Big thanks to my beta,** Permanent Rose!**

**Chapter Dedication: **I would like to dedicate this entire chapter and the rest of the story, to my best friend, Morgan Duris, who was hit and killed by a car on January 21st. She was just getting on her bus. Morgan, I don't know what I'm going to do without you.

* * *

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you_

_-Hoobastank, The Reason _

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Edward's Point of View

4 O'Clock

In two hours I would have a date with Bella Swan. My heart pounded ridiculously in my chest. An array of images ran through my mind – Bella holding my hand, laughing at a joke I told, smiling at me from across the table. Lights decorating an elegant French restaurant as a waiter gave us a bottle of chardonnay. Me, smiling, holding out a hand as I asked Bella to dance.

_Wrong_, the logical side of my brain interrupted. _You're still broken, and you can't fix yourself in one night.  
_

I had mistreated her for so long. It wasn't fair to her, or to myself. She deserved much better than what I had done to her. I couldn't make the same mistake with her that I made with Tanya. Bella was beautiful, smart, and delicate. She deserved the best. I would see to it that she received no less.

As I stepped into the meeting, my mind wasn't focused on numbers.

Instead I saw Bella, humming quietly in her pink shirt, fixing the drapes. Bella, exasperated, trying to convince me to go in a store to buy macaroni with , lying next to me in _my_ bed. The closest to intimacy I had had with a woman in nearly two years. Sure, I had received offers. I knew I was attractive - Jessica had suggested things on more than one occassion. I had even considered it once, but the moment she walked in my house I knew. It was wrong.

What would have happened if I had been nicer to Bella from the start? Would she want me, still?

"Edward, are you with us?"

Please, I thought uselessly, can we get this over with?

"Yes, sir, of course," I lied. The executive gave me a look but otherwise ignored me. From across the table I heard Emmett's quiet chuckle.

"Okay, men, we're a quarter million away from buying the Smith firm," the man said. "Now, if finance doesn't make their _accounting_ errors again, we should be fine." He shot a glare toward a small impish man, whose face was red with embarrassment. Every man at the table looked the same to me – long white beards, tired eyes hiding behind thick rimmed glasses. These men hid behind documents, letters, and numbers.

A jolt of fear ran through my chest. These men were me, in twenty years.  
"After we buy the Smith firm, we'll be able to tackle more complex businesses," the man droned, his voiced lined with bordom. Come to think of it,

I had completely forgotten his name. Suddenly it was my face I saw, instead of his. My tired skin sagging against my cheekbones, bronze mustache tinged with grey.

I was going to waste my life away and become nothing, just like them.

"I can't let my hair lose its sheen," I mumbled to myself. Emmett stifled a laugh as I stood up.

"Look, I'm sorry, but today I can't stay," I said. I stole a glance at the clock – it was six-thirty. I was already pushing my luck. I had just enough time to rush through traffic and find my way back to my neighborhood. That was, if I hurried. If I left now.

Silence greeted me. The men in the office stared blankly, confusion written in their features. I used my most persuasive tone on them. "I haven't had a night off in a very, very long time…"

But this wasn't the movies. The businessmen didn't see the light and change their minds in a heart beat. Instead the office erupted in boisterous laughter.

"Time off? In a long time?" One of the filing managers giggled. He was a tall, gangly man with feathered hair. I was almost positive he alternated between five suits every month. Grey, dark grey, black, navy blue, and grey. "Do you know the last time I got a day off from filing?"  
Other managers laughed in agreement.

"If I got time off every time I demanded it I wouldn't ever have to work!" another man boomed. His face was beet red, pudgy and scruffled from an unshaven morning. I tried my best not to scowl as everybody took a break at my expense.

Jessica, taking notes in the corner, opened her mouth to defend me. Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I lifted a quieting hand to her. She beamed at me, flipping her brown hair over her shoulder and smiling at the acknowledgment.

Gag.

My eyes pleaded with Emmett, who gave me an understanding glance. He shrugged his shoulders as if to say, 'What am I supposed to do about it?'

"Sorry, man," he mouthed as one of the accountants gasped for breath. The executive motioned for me to sit down, but when I hedged toward the door, his eyes narrowed.

The laughter trickled off.

"Son, I trust you're not about to throw away the money for the branch, are you?" His voice was low and feral, almost threatening. I had forgotten the only time previous I had stood up to this man. But I was Edward Cullen, business extraordinaire. I had power. But even though it was mine and Emmett's business, they still controlled me.

"No, sir, I am not," I said smoothly. The man nodded and began to sit as I spoke up again. "However, I trust that Emmett Cullen, my brother and fellow co-owner, will be more than capable in handling the financial aids for one night. If you have a problem with that I assure you, my secretary will be more than happy to keep notes, won't you Jessica?"

Jessica looked down and nodded sullenly.

"I'll be happy to go over them with her tomorrow."

And her mood was restored. She smiled at me enthusiastically and batted her eyelashes. She lifted a red spiral notebook and a black business pen and showed the room, casting a wink in my direction. I nodded and tried my best to look professional as she modeled the book.

"Now, if Emmett requests I stay I will. As business-owners together, this decision is as much mine as it is his. So, Emmett, I'm requesting absence from this meeting."

He grinned devilishly. "Sure, man."

I nodded. "And do you accept any consequences that come from my not being here?"

"Naturally," he said, smiling. "I'm more than capable."

I clasped my hands together as I backed out of the room. "Thank you, goodnight sirs. And remember – I control your paycheck."

Leaving the room, I felt powerful. Getting in the car, I felt great. Turning the keys, glancing up at the room, only one thought truly hit me:

_Shit, what have I done?_

Thinking of Bella, however, changed things. Quickly, I stepped on the gas and pulled out of the parking lot.

7:00

Bella was probably finishing up getting ready. I had better plans than a French restaurant, however. After everything I had put her through, she deserved better than a simple dinner and dancing. A midnight cruise maybe, sightseeing in New York.

Hell, maybe we would hop a plane and go somewhere.

_No,_ Edward, I scolded myself._ You don't know her that well. Save that for the third date, at least._

This wasn't just a first date with Bella. It was a final date with Tanya. A chance to make up for everything I never did with her. All of the plans I cancelled, the things I refused to do with her, to say to her. Bella would be different. I knew better – I was older, an adult. I could handle myself.

Maybe it was my thoughts on Bella, or Tanya, or the simple fact I was still flying high from leaving my business meeting for the first time in my life, that I missed the driver in the next lane lose control. Maybe it was a combination of these reasons that I didn't see him swerve straight into me. Maybe it was karma.

Whatever it was, the sound of shattering glass filled my ears as heavy, sturdy airbags slammed at full force against my body. My face felt like it had been hit with a hammer.

I missed the crunch, but the blood on the air bag told me that something – my nose? – had been broken.

Strangely, I couldn't think about any of the pain as my car spun haphazardly through the street. I couldn't concentrate on the pain as the car flipped into a ditch, cars honking and people screaming around me. None of it seemed to matter.

Bella.

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**Author Note:** I know it's a cliche, and I'm sorry. I also know that I said I would update the next day, but with Morgan just.. being gone, I just don't have the mindset to write right now, and it was either this or not update until after the funeral. Please leave me some reviews?

**Rest in Peace, Morgan. You were only 15, too young to go. 12/12/94 - 1/21/10 **


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